Unabashed

Silent and sweet, I feel you creeping into my field of vision.
Nestled beneath the trees, we become one with what always was, what we always were.
Away from everyone and everything, I cannot help but focus on your breath and how much I want to extinguish it from your lungs.

In an instant, not unlike the flash of an ignited match, I find your lips upon mine.
Colliding into the sacred abyss of the flesh, there’s nothing quite like your taste.
Possessed by an almost reckless abandon, we lovingly ride each other into the ground, becoming one with the earth.

…

Stripped to the bone, our sex laid bare, we are overcome with a sense of freedom.
A sensation that cannot be matched, for it can only be felt out here.

It is here that we find this (alternatively) sacred notion to be true: we are interconnected with the dirt in which we tumble and have always been so.
For it is as if laying together in this pure and vulnerable afterglow is exactly what we were always meant to be.

I would go to the ends of the Earth a million times over just to feel you.

© Copyright December 2023/March 2024

Delicate

Upon the inhale, I can feel you wholly.
For you taste of tears, that salty sweetness that, although felt before, cannot be placed to any current condition.
It is as though I’m taking you in for the very first time.

Any other instance (in the presence of others especially), I would have never let myself feel you.
For it is far too much of a spectacle, to be laid bare, to let myself be exposed the way I am to you.
It is as though I’m ashamed (to a degree) that we keep meeting like this.

On the exhale, I feel you wholly and somehow not at all.
For your purpose, contracting and releasing pain and anguish, is served in the length of a millisecond, your remedy almost as fast as it takes to feel the hurt.
It is as though I’m in awe of you whenever I’m in your orbit, as if you’re something brand new.

I am too delicate to even exist.

© Copyright December 2023

Everlasting

Skulking in shadow, right by my side (through thick and thin), you are not what you seem.
In these hallowed hallways, I thought for certain that it was you, arriving on the scene just for kicks (having been kicked out yourself).
However, I know for certain that your brand of brilliance, the glimmer in the dark, is one that had not been fully realized until much later.

While I value you in the highest regard, I know that which walks beside me is not the bearer of my salvation (as you are), but rather my damnation.
For although I know that that thing deep inside (some would say straight from your depths) is not demonic in nature (there is no such beast), its consequence is far worse because it has been with me from the very beginning.
A sense of anxiety (or perhaps the cause) rips through me whenever I feel that particular presence, the grip it has on my entrails will forever be something of a cruel joke (one whose punchline might as well be death).

…

I suppose that I should have known that we would share this body, that some kind of eternity was always part of the master plan.
I suppose that I should have known that you would stay, that you would cause every ounce of fucking hurt, perpetually pulling my metaphorical strings.

Deep down, I always knew that you were there, for you are what is and forever shall be (writhing its way through).
That every weak point, hallowed and gutted, was manufactured, every sign of life infected by the cause of death so swiftly delivered.

The invisible yet pervasive power you possess will never fail to possess me.

© Copyright August 2023/December 2023

Euphoric (Enveloped Redux)

Beneath your candied exterior is a relief I cannot comprehend.
Like something of a dream, as if the greatest dream has finally come true.

I thought I had found you years ago.
Encased in blue, your gaze the most beautiful in the world.

I now know that to be false, and never has a falsity felt so right.

…

Amongst the chill is where I found your warmth, one that is truly beyond compare.
For it was in the flush of December when our paths crossed, carving out brightness where there once was only darkness.

While I tend to dwell on this time a little more often than I’d like to admit (going “back to December all the time”), it is the comfort and solace that I found in your arms (time and time again) that makes the hurt somehow worth it.

Underneath and inside you is everything I could have ever wanted and more.

© Copyright August 2023/December 2023

Bastards

This lonesome dreamscape, hours and hours of negligence, the seconds dripping through the gears of your heart.
Your body out to sea, an ocean of treachery and angst, the very nightmares that inhabit your soul.

This overrun paradise, a lifetime’s worth of good intentions, all of which are wasted on the hell in which they helped create.
Your mind preternaturally lost within the most vivid daydream, one where past horrors are forgotten, along with all your memories of the present.

There was a time and a place where you knew exactly who you were, where your head didn’t pound uncontrollably and your nose didn’t bleed.
The marks of individualism that grace your flesh are now nothing more than foreign matter on a foreign plane, the marks of a stranger.

Your rag-doll frame, limbs that have always felt too long to even exist, are overcome with the most overwhelming emptiness, the closest thing you’ve ever felt to being six feet underground.
It is in that frame (and with that emptiness), where, with your brothers by your side, you put together the pieces of a life that begins now.

…

For in the company of the eldest and the youngest, the ones who have been with you from the very beginning, anything is possible.
For with whom together, you three are the bastards and the bastards are forever.

© Copyright July 2021/August 2023

Buried Alive By Smoke

There’s an ugly taste behind the comfort of your flame.
Inhaling your wretchedness, exhaling your beauty, I find that everything becomes clearer, the answers appear to be much simpler.
The sweetness of your sin, the reassurance of your power, the utter submission of my being has yet to leave a sour sting.

At times, I cannot comprehend your appeal (the spell you seem to cast), but when I’m in your presence, I realize that there was never anything to comprehend in the first place.
The flash, that crackling bellow and the freedom it brought on threw me head-on into the throes of seduction, my passion for your gaze unsurpassed.

…

Light years away, and I can still feel the mark you left on me.
A decade since I first found solace in your sting, and yet I cannot recall when last you crossed my mind.

I left you in the past, where things should (and hopefully always will) stay buried.

© Copyright January 2017/July 2023

Purgatory

The hole that you dug, the fire that I started.
They both seen like such fickle things now, like something from another time, cast out into our dimension.

The deeper I watched you dig, the hotter the flames burned.
That void, the grave became almost like a home, was destined to envelop one of us.
I just never expected it to be you.

The match I lit, paired with my uncertainty and shame, ignited the fuse.
That inferno, the abyss became almost like a comfort, was bound to envelop one of us.
You always knew it would be me.

…

A serial gaslighter with my finger on the flame, I cannot help but be the burden.

© Copyright July 2022/July 2023

The Angel & The Shadow

Statuesque in her stillness, she waits for me.
My eternal guide, my artifact of love, the one who beckons to me from on high.
Her love, so devilishly divine.
Her touch, so angelic it hurts, like a double-edged sword right through my heart, piercing with the best of intentions.

Motionless in his movements, his passion never ceases to entice me.
My logical conductor, my guise of companionship, the one who darkens my side.
His persistence, preternatural in its precision.
His faithfulness, foreshadowing in ways I could never have imagined prior.

…

Alone was I, lost in the midst of the blackest forest.
For had it not been for my fateful escorts, I would not have had the courage to cross the gates.
For had it not been for them, I would have surely perished.

Deliver me unto you, that pure cleansing fire.

© Copyright November 2017/January 2018/July 2023

Dispossessed (Chronic Redux)

Entangled in a never-ending sea, it is you that (despite the obvious) somehow keeps me afloat.
Wrapped around my bones, you wish to become one with my body.

Seeping through the delicate cracks, you always find a way to make yourself seen, as if you were something I hadn’t already noticed.
So foolish I am, to think I could outrun you, for there is no outrunning what’s always been.

…

For as long as you have existed, I never expected you to change shape, your tentacles tightly grasping something new.
Perhaps you were never meant to leave, for being without you would be too easy, not nearly enough of a challenge.

I spent so long in your presence, the darkness you cast seemingly endless.

I just hope that I can find the light this time around.

© Copyright April 2023/May 2023/June 2023

Funeral Bloom

At the sight of your hollow remains, laying softly on this makeshift pyre, I feel an unmatched jubilation.
Thoughts of your demise clicked along the edges of my mind for months on end, the image of the cardboard coffin in which you reside, interrupted my day-to-day brain activity more than I want to admit.

I thought I could be clever, to leave you in that previously uninhabited space, if I pushed you far enough away, I could no longer ponder your existence.
This existence however sweet has since turned bitter, for as pleasant as our memories were, at times they crumble under the incomparable shame and regret of how it all ended.

…

In turn, you are (in reality), scattered everywhere, not unlike ashes on a breeze.
Through my cleverness and cunning, I was positive that I’d extinguished you.
Piece by piece, I find those still-assembled memories, remembrance that shall be broken, and in their destruction, finally released.

…

Four years has your presence haunted me, you and everything you once were to me.
Four years has the concept of us haunted me, us and everything we will never be.

In your decimated debris do I ultimately find peace, from your crushed visage do I feel whole.

© Copyright November 2020/June 2023