You came back with a vengeance, everything is all the more darker in your presence.
I thought I could outrun you, that your sadistic brand of misery was far behind me.
Although I’ve been in your presence before (for you never truly left), I feel as though I cannot take the pressure this time around, the darkness all the more consuming.
My body bends, breaks at your will, for you all I can think about whilst under your influence, controlling my every thought, my every action, exposing my every fear.
It feels as though you’ve been with me for a lifetime, hiding, waiting in dormancy for the right time to strike, to deal death.
For when I am under your pressure I feel as though that release is far superior to the agony.
With this unexpected visit comes a brand new symptom, because was better to accompany your crippling twisting and turning than isolation?
While I want with every once of my being to be out in the open (free in some sense of the word), I know that it would be best to keep my distance, for it’s all too certain that I can’t function normally with you around.
The face that I put on, the one that I have tried to perfect for years on end, is beginning to slip, beginning to bring the emotional agony you’re inflicting to life.
You came back with a vengeance, making everything all the more darker.
You reignited every fear, every instinct to run and hide.
And yet I remain.
© Copyright July 2017/November 2017/January 2018/March 2018
Crying out in all my valiant efforts at something better, only to find that the latter is so much worse.
Immerse me in my hopes and your misgivings, and tell me this is the best I can do.
Spill all of my intentions and pride on something counter-productive and play me for a fool.
Immerse me in your petty tragedies and every truthful lie that goes with them, only to be disappointed by my indifferent response.
What the fuck are you here for?
Crying out in all my steadfast efforts at something of substantial purpose, only to be graced by the presence of everything that ever disgusted me.
Immerse me in the deepest of clarities, every gray area and tell me there’s nothing left.
Spill all of the contents of my heart and laugh in my face, so incredibly absorbed in your twisted labyrinth of self-righteousness.
Who the fuck do you think you are?
Crying out in all my valiant and steadfast attempts, pleading for some kind of rhyme or reason, I realize that you’re just as low as I am.
Resting beneath the surface, masked by your unassuming exterior, there is a hurt so strong, one that is so well contained, only to be seen a flicker at a time.
Were we all made to suffer, and if so, for how long?
© Copyright December 2012/November 2017/January 2018/March 2018
From the look in your eyes to the song that plays in my head, I cannot help but shed a tear, for there has never been anything more beautiful.
Whereas my heart has grown cold, it too has softened, what was once frozen is now thawed by the simplest of circumstance.
My vital organ sure as hell doesn’t bleed for the same things, but the Devil knows it beats for you.
I cannot recall a time when such simplicity took the breath out of my lungs, a miraculous feat considering the state of our atmosphere.
The harshness that divides shall now be brought together by the beauty and astonishing grace of a brand new movement, one of the neuromantic kind.
While other hearts grow all the colder still, I know that mine shall only burn brighter from the subtle spectacles that surround us, never ceasing to amaze.
Let this whole world dissolve into itself for this love of ours will prevail throughout the insanity, as it has now and forever.
We’ll make it through to the bitter end.
© Copyright March 2017/April 2017
You are no longer the shadow that hangs over me, mocking me with its insistence, with its mere presence, its torment.
You are no longer the cause of my pain, no more do you haunt me with sleepless nights and greet me with overslept afternoons, like something of a plague.
I no longer fear what you have in store for me, no longer do I dread any and all anticipations that Lucifer knew you would ruin.
You are no longer something that fills me with apprehension, for my worrisome ways are now placed elsewhere, hopefully to where they rightfully belong.
You are no longer something that I cannot eradicate, for my newfound power in the face of your possession, stronger than I’ve ever seen it, cannot be stopped.
I no longer fear what it is I cannot control, no longer filled with dread at the very thought, for there is no greater control than being able to rise.
© Copyright February 2017
I came upon you like the chill of November, sending us into a head-on collision not even I could have predicted.
Slipping on through the night, on the edge of a darkness so foreign, we find ourselves alone with the ominous light of the moon.
Overcome are we with a desire so intoxicating, so overwhelming in it’s romantic simplicity, that it would be a sin to squander it’s advances.
Trembling is the flesh in the face of an even greater sin, giving into the impassioned lust, the forbidden love that shall soon eclipse any other form of pleasure ever created.
The moonlight that I have adored my whole adult life illuminates our skin in its semi-eternal glow, an illumination that will no doubt further beautify the brightness of our shared lashes.
We came creeping into the night and we shall leave this life screaming, for we will never go quietly.
Not in this life or the Hell that shall befall our souls upon death, for this type of anarchy is immortal, with no prospect of slowing down for anyone, not even the Devil himself.
You appeal ever further to the darkness that resides in my soul.
© Copyright September 2016/January 2017
Breathe into me for I cannot draw another breath.
The memory of you that I’ve held so dear, the memory of everything you were in the end, pulls me close to shore, although I know I’ll never make it.
The tide is coming in, engulfing me in yet another wave, and I am again reminded that this is only still a memory, a clever trick played by my brain because I cannot come to grips with the person you became towards your demise.
Stretch your skin across my bones for I cannot feel a thing.
The morphine shot through my hollow vein prevents me from feeling the fallout of my lost organ (stolen and probably set into oblivion) but that doesn’t mean I want to turn numb to everything else.
In fact, I know that I feel far too much, that my capacity to understand another’s sorrow is almost overflowing and my repulsion for the actions of others isn’t far behind.
Break my heart and shatter what’s left of it into a million shards for I cannot bear another day without you.
The lies you feed me, the undeniable cunning of your ways, don’t change the fact that I have loved you from the first time our eyes met, my vulnerability and naïveté were not without consequence.
The very sight of you, in all your magnificent brilliance, made my heart stop beating (if only just for a moment) and I know, my dear, that it has never quite beat the same way since.
Captivate and enthrall me until the end of my days (only to follow me straight down to Hell) for I will never be immune to your charms.
You, my love, are the only reason I have for living, far greater than just living for breathing’s sake.
The best reason to ever cross my lips.
© Copyright December 2016/January 2017
If I hadn’t found you, would I still be the same?
If you hadn’t come crashing into my life like a brutal albeit welcoming storm, would I still process the world around me in the same light?
If I hadn’t heard of your beauty, your sensuous words and all they represent, would I still see and feel love in its sacred warmth?
If I hadn’t flipped through your pages, taken your text to memory, sought you out for countless months, would I still be able to touch your paperback grandeur with the same appreciation?
If you hadn’t circulated throughout every inch of me, breeding your disease in my veins, making your way to the pit of my stomach where you so righteously reside, would I still feel pain with a sadistic respect?
If you hadn’t found me, would I still be the same?
© Copyright November 2016/December 2016