Bitter Truth, Harsh Reality

I dreamt about you today
Almost forgot
about the way you were
the sound of your voice
All the things I used to recognize
so clearly
I felt everything I never thought I’d feel again
I see you
You’re so crystal clear in front of me
All I can do
is look at you straight in your
grayish-blue eyes
That’s not even the color of your eyes
I can’t remember the color
It used to hit my vibrant greens everyday for so long
Agonizing pain rips through me
your hands on my shoulders
Shaking me
making believe
you’re still here
I want so hard to believe
so much that you’ll be there
when I wake up
I dreamt of you today
I wish it were the truth
I wish it were real.

© Copyright July 2009


Strewn across the grass
I stare at the sky
So changing
and yet always in the same place
My skin is vulnerable
to the gentle breeze
My hair lacerates my cheeks
no serious injuries whatsoever
Blood doesn’t exist
The sky looks
purple and blue above me
Darker and less fragile
The sun sets
I search for reason
The sun sets
I’m vulnerable.

© Copyright July 2009

Stitches & Plastic

The generic shred of beauty you adore is the exact kind I hate.
I look down on it with disdain,
the purest form of animosity.
You expect the needle and the mask to rewind the disgust created.
You put the utmost faith in hopes that you won’t feel a thing.

The anesthetic blend you breathe in won’t fail for a second.
I smile at your second-guessing,
laugh at how stupid you sound.
You expect the doctor’s words and the dizziness to be faltered.
You put the utmost faith in the One you think will relieve your pain.

The only problem is that your God is not the reliever of pain, but the bringer.
I hear the delicate whispers about the hallway, hoping you won’t come to.
You expect for all this to go by easily and smoothly, no remembrance.
You put your utmost faith in the hopes of no hallucinations, no side-effects.

The sedative they shoot through your veins is the best reassurance.
I laugh lightly at your assumptions; I hope you have the worst trip of your life.
You expect for the sutures marked across your skin to fade without complication.
You put your utmost faith in something that you know nothing about.

The research you so cleverly devised beforehand is pointless,
you know nothing. I don’t know what’s worse, your priorities or the way you scream.
You expect for me to believe the reasons why, your foolish excuses.
You put your utmost faith in whatever you choose to fall in love with.

The different kind of beauty you hungered for wasn’t worth the price you paid.
I hate the way you scream, despite how I love to hear it.

© Copyright July 2009

Something About The Way

There’s something about the way you left.

The way I feel my heart in my throat every time.
Trips down memory lane make me choke.
Skin raw from failed attempts at scratching away guilt.
Scratch till I bleed, there’s no real solution.

There’s something about the way you left.

I don’t think I can accept any reason thrown my way.
I wish things were the way they used to be.
Nothing happens for a reason, everything is cause and effect.
I miss nothing, I miss everything.

There’s something about the way you left.
I hate you for this; I love you for everything else.

© Copyright July 2009

Not So Pretty…

Early yesterday morning, at 12:56 AM to be exact, my long time friend and I were talking about completely random things. I sent her a link for the video “The Price Of Beauty” by Suicide Silence cause she said she didn’t see it. In it, an already gorgeous young girl is getting plastic surgery done by an insane, sadistic doctor. The ending result was an array of stitches across her already pretty face…Watch for yourself and see what I mean.

After watching it, I realized how truly disgusting plastic surgery is. I mean, getting work done to your face and/or body just because you don’t like a part of yourself is just appalling. It’s crazy that someone would ruin a part of themselves just to look better. I know that people get plastic surgery for actual medical reasons, and that’s completely understandable, but getting it done just to make yourself look good isn’t the same thing.

Ugh!!! It just really annoys me that some people aren’t happy with themselves and feel the need to waste money (hard-earned or obtained from another source) on a nose job or fake boobs or even both possibly in the same operation. I hate people who look absolutely gorgeous and stunning already and then they destroy their natural beauty with implants or dissolving stitches.

Selfish. Narcissistic. People who aren’t happy with themselves need a reality check. Their lives could be alot worse.

Be happy for what you have, not for what you can’t acquire.