Rush

There’s danger in the distance,
the threshold we cross in order to accomplish a common need.
In every context, we’re nothing like the way we were raised, but in essence we couldn’t be more proper.
The feeling in each fingertip gracing the flesh, that danger they so cautiously spoke of, nothing more than all that was to be expected.
Obligation to be everything they sought for to be correct, now a fleeting memory, washed away in the rush in which we bathe.
Grace and its acquaintances are stripped from their former pedestals, replaced by our exposure to the supposed horrors of the outside world.
Contact that will never mold us into saints, the platform for which we’d die in a selfless fire doesn’t exist, not for the angels who reside by different means.
Nothing truly matters anymore, any ideas of the so-called sins we so righteously collide into are disproven, dissolved by any and every sensation.

We will never be what you want us to be, we’re far too good for your asinine agenda.
The very thought of us sends fear
and disgust pulsing through your veins, but only as a reminder, never death.
You can die for everything you stand for, the noble hypocrite of a just cause, the lies you’ve believed centuries over.
We’ll die for everything we stand for as well, the fallen angels of a greater good, the truth we’ve bled and still bleed for…
There’s danger in the distance, the lust and pride we righteously dive into, the sins you want nothing to do with.
This is the rush in which we bathe, the life we starve after, the way it will always be.
There’s danger in the distance, and you better know to keep yours.

© Copyright August 2012

Pumpkin Cookie Nostalgia/My So-Called Obsession

I think it’s finally set in. I’m realizing that I no longer have the luxury of picking up my cell phone to call or text, asking to get coffee or if it’s cool to come over and bake. Now that I no longer have that luxury, I feel like I took it for granted.

It’s finally set in. My sister is in Seattle, Washington, and I miss her.

As I’ve said before, her moving to Washington has been a long time coming, and it never really bothered me until recently. It doesn’t bother me, more like sunk in. Hit me. I’ve semi-lost the person I had so much fun with. Sure, we still communicate via text and Facebook, but it doesn’t compare to the flesh and blood aspect of our interactions.

I miss making homemade cookies and pumpkin rolls while listening to ’90’s Industrial. I miss accompanying her to Starbucks to get pumpkin spice lattes when late September rolled around. I miss her and her fiancé coming over in the Summer for barbecues. I miss asking her for advice, seeing her reaction and contemplating what to do about said issue. I seriously miss just hanging out with her.

The reason for all this nostalgia is quiet simple and even silly some might be so bold to say. The early ’90’s show My So-Called Life.

Some odd years ago when I first heard (and later saw live) the band 30 Seconds To Mars, my sister informed me that lead singer/guitarist Jared Leto wasn’t just a musician, but also an actor. She told me she first saw him in Life, and at the time I had no idea what she was talking about. The show aired in 1994, meaning she was thirteen and I was three. The reason why I had no idea what she was talking about.

I now know exactly what she was talking about.

I stumbled upon My So-Called Life somewhat by accident. I was watching the movie Juno a week or two ago, and Ellen Page’s character made a reference to the show. At the time, I didn’t know it was a reference until I looked the movie up on IMDb (Internet Movie Database). For some reason, I have this obsession with looking up the various trivia/goofs to the movies I watch. It makes them more interesting. With my curiosity piqued, I opened a new tab and proceeded to go to Netflix’s website…And my curiosity was satisfied because indeed it was on Netflix. 

That, however, was a couple of weeks ago. I found out that My So-Called Life was on Netflix a couple of weeks ago and I just finished the nineteenth and final episode this morning. I started watching it yesterday morning and finished it this morning. I blame the fact that I couldn’t sleep, and the AMC show Breaking Bad. The reason why I didn’t pursue the nineteen episodes of Life right away was because I was catching up on the gritty and violent misadventures of Walter White and Jesse Pinkman that can only be Breaking Bad. Now, I can go on all day long about what a great show Bad is, but that isn’t the topic of my obsession today.

My So-Called Life is a great show. It’s a show that anyone who’s been through the torrential pressure and strange triumphs of high school can relate to. There’s this realistic vibe you get when watching it, like you’re actually in the hallways and classrooms of Liberty High. It sounds a little weird saying that because it aired eighteen years ago, but there a lot of shows/movies that I find myself liking that came out even earlier than ’94. It’s crazy that Claire Danes (main character Angela Chase) and Jared Leto (Angela’s love interest, Jordan Catalano) got recognized because of the show. It’s amazing to watch films like The Rainmaker and Romeo + Juliet (among many others), as well as Showtime series Homeland and think of how far Danes has come as an actress. The same thing can be said for Leto. With an extremely successful band and films like Fight Club, American Psycho and Lord Of War (among many others as well) under his belt, it’s also amazing to see how far he has come as an actor (not to mention a musician, but that is for another day entirely). 

During the short time it took me to complete the series, I felt an instant connection to Angela and all that was going on around her. Sure, I cannot relate to everything she experienced her sophomore year, but I definitely know how it feels to navigate through high school. One minute your accomplishments can make you feel on top of the world, and the next the pressures and expectations bestowed upon you (and every student for that matter), can shallow you whole. It’s honestly challenging some times. One day your best friend can indeed be your best friend, the next they’re your worst enemy. One day you think you know everything there is to know about your crush, the next they’re sending you those dreaded mixed messages and it’s like you’re invisible all over again…

Usually this is the part where I tend to spill too much about whatever I’m talking about, whether it be a movie, book, or in this case, a TV show. This time I will do no such thing. I could go on all day about what happens in the show, but that wouldn’t be fair to anyone who hasn’t seen it and honestly, who wants someone else raining on their parade? I’d say I’ve done pretty good so far. In not spilling the beans, that is. Anyone could tell you how a TV show or movie is, but to really connect with said TV show or movie, you have to see it for yourself.

…As I said before, My So-Called Life is a great show and the unlikely reason for the pumpkin-cookie-nostalgia I’m feeling…Yes, you read right. Pumpkin. Cookie. Nostalgia…I honestly didn’t think that when I watched the first episode (and all nineteen for that matter), that I would not only be able to connect and relate, but also that the fact that my sister lives some 2,000 miles away finally sunk in. It’s good to know that even though we’re apart, we can still connect in the most strangest of ways.

Sometimes the miles between don’t mean a thing.