I stayed up until 3:30 this morning, fighting another temporary bout with my friends, the ever-foreboding sinus headache and not-so-temporary stomach pain (or “tummy troubles” as the little boy on the Culturelle commercial would say). Oddly enough, those obstacles didn’t stop me as they have been for the past couple weeks.
After letting my body and immune system dictate what was going to be accomplished and what wasn’t, they finally took a break. I finally made it to the community college I’ve been meaning to for the last month, and it feels like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I had been somewhat dreading the whole thing for a while, but there wasn’t really anything I needed to be worried about in the first place. I had taken the test before and knew what it entailed, but I still found myself feeling the jitters and butterflies of everyone’s fleeting friend known as nervousness.
Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed (wide awake with only 5 hours of sleep), I brushed all that apprehension aside and felt completely and utterly motivated to accomplish the task at hand. I walked through the doors and remembered exactly where I was supposed to go…No guidance needed, yo. My memory is pretty damn good, thank you. Sorry, my inner Jesse Pinkman decided made yet another appearance…The entire test as a whole went pretty well. It took me a while to type in my correct ID number (even though it was right in front of me), but that was just the nerves talking. I felt extremely confident whether I truly believed it or not.
And I had every reason to be…
No more of that old “unsure, putting down, low-self esteem bullshit” (pardon my English). Yes, believe it or not, I have self-esteem issues sometimes. There are times when I get stressed, as everyone does now and then, and feel like I am less than what I am. I used to put myself down pretty hard sometimes, feeling like I wasn’t good enough, even though I knew I was as every good as people said I was. With all that I just said, yes I will admit that those feelings creep up every now and again, but they instantly disappear as quickly as they manifested. Belittling confidence leads to stress, and believe me, the last thing I need is stress. Stress leads to my health getting worse, and my health getting worse isn’t the type of ride I’d like to endure anytime soon.
…I aced it. My results were printed out and the kind lady behind the desk told me I scored 94 out of 100, meaning I am eligible to take the 1010 English course, College Composition I. One below honors College Comp II. I tried to remember the score I had gotten two years ago when I took the same placement test, along with the math placement test. I found the old test score in a drawer of my desk and I scored 65 out of 100. An F…Honestly, the only reason my score was so low was because I seriously wanted to get the hell out of there. It was summer and I wanted to enjoy the weather. Can you really blame me?…This time I was more than motivated to score higher. I was so determined because if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be able to take the Psychology course I’d like to. Plus, it’s winter. I didn’t really want to go out into the cold, although I would rather be cold than hot.
Once I went over my score a couple of times with manic excitement, I made my way outside only to be greeted by freezing cold that is so typical of our Ohio winters. Don’t get me wrong, I still would prefer the cold to the humidity (even though I oddly prefer the headaches the humidity-ridden summer brings as oppose to the month-long colds the winter dishes out), but it was honestly pretty damn cold today. However, I didn’t find myself being bothered by the cold for very long. I sat down on the closest bench and admired the campus, watching a trio of squirrels scamper across the lawn, all the while being serenaded by Parkway Drive’s Winston McCall.
Gotta love metalcore.
All and all, today was a pretty good day. I accomplished a feat that had been pining away in the back of my mind for over a month. Goddamn immune system. As I said before, I feel like there is a huge weight off my chest. I can now register for spring classes, and it’s one less thing I have to worry about. I actually feel optimistic about the future, but at the same time, I don’t want to get ahead of myself. I will do everything that I can do at the moment, and worry about other obstacles when they need to be worried about and deal with them at the appropriate time. It’s as simple and uncomplicated as that, and I couldn’t be happier.
The girl with the raindrop tattoo is now the girl with the optimism boost.