A Very Sleepy Christmas

My bedroom smells like gingerbread, courtesy of the Frosted Gingerbread candle burning on my desk. The living room still smells of the ‘Tis The Season candle my mom bought a week or so ago, where the new Christmas tree (our fourth or fifth one to be exact) can be found along with the Christmas cards we received this year, taped to the doorway leading to the kitchen. Even though yesterday was Christmas, it didn’t feel different from any other day.

I somewhat felt like a little kid again, staying up until early in the morning, waiting for Santa to come, even though I know he wouldn’t make an appearance until I was fast asleep. The only problems with that equation are that there isn’t actually a Santa Claus, I’m (unfortunately) not a child anymore and I wasn’t accompanied by any high hopes for a stranger bearing gifts because the presents were already under our tree. Okay, that’s a lie. I didn’t completely feel like I was five again, but you get where the stereotypical nostalgia comes into play.

I found myself staying up until four in the morning, accompanied by the familiar acquaintances sleeplessness and a stomach-ache. I finally managed to go to sleep, only to be woken up some four hours later. Strangely, it wasn’t that big of a deal, my slumber being interrupted. Usually, it would be because I don’t get enough sleep as it is, but yesterday was different. It was Christmas.

As every year, once everyone was awake, fully or not, it was time to open presents. I opened two boxes, finding inside a really pretty framed painting, a lacy grey top that would be perfect to wear to a New Year’s party (if I had one to go to) and a grey ‘boyfriend’ cardigan I’d seen at Target a couple of weeks ago that I regretted buying until yesterday…Not to mention the money I’d received on Christmas Eve or the day before, and the box of Ferrero Rocher my brother opened before I opened my second box…What can I say? I’m a chocolate lover, and my parents know it.

The rest of my Christmas went as follows:

Sleep, sleep and more sleep.

I fell asleep and woke up at noon or so, only to fall back to sleep. I finally got my ass in gear and got my afternoon started (yes, afternoon). For some reason, I always kind of feel bad if I fall asleep on a holiday (or sometimes any day) for a long period of time, but it wasn’t like I was doing anything. Honestly, I wasn’t. My family wasn’t doing anything for Christmas, other than opening presents, holiday dinner and hanging out. When it comes to Christmas, or any holiday for that matter, my family is usually pretty chill. Nothing special, really, just celebrating it with family and being thankful for what it is we do have, not what we don’t.

All and all, this Christmas was a good one. While it was the first Christmas without my sister, and somehow lacked the cheer it previously had in all my 21 years, but I have no complaints.

…Scratch that. I do have one complaint…

I couldn’t find Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer on any channel. Sure, there was A Christmas Story on for 24 hours as it for as long as I remember, the History Channel having plenty of things on about Jesus (even though it seemed like the contents of said specials concerning Christ should be shown during another time) and an Indiana Jones marathon, but no Rudolph. I proceeded to search the for the good ‘ol red-nose by name on TV, only to find that he won’t be making an appearance until New Year’s Eve, in Rudolph’s Shiny New Year.

Figures. The one time I actually want to watch something that’s Christmas-related, it isn’t even on. Just my luck. Thankfully, New Year’s Eve is only four days away, and the fact that there will be an all day Twilight Zone marathon makes it even better. While Netflix does have the show amongst the endless amount of shows that are featured, it only has seasons 1-3 and 5. After countless hours of watching it earlier this year, I still don’t get why that season is absent. Oh well. Like some things in this vast world, this green-eyed girl may never know.

Even though this Christmas honestly didn’t feel like, well, Christmas, it was still a great one. I would be lying if I didn’t say it was. Granted, there was only one piece of Cheesecake Factory brand cheesecake and no hot apple cider consumed by yours truly, and more than one nap taken, but you get the idea. Whether this year had that particular cheer or not, it doesn’t change the fact that it was a good one at that.

The trademark Ohio snowfall made it all the more sleep-inducing.

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Graveyard Shift, Take 2

I should be sleeping right now. There are no two ways around that fact. My head should be resting on my headless Jack Skellington pillow case, listening to the tick-tock motions of the clock hanging in my room and Aiden’s latest release, Disguises, both slowly aiding in helping me achieve the sleep I so gravely desire. Needless to say, that isn’t happening or else I obviously wouldn’t be writing this post. Instead, I’m sitting on the futon in the area outside of my bedroom, listening to Aiden on shuffle on iTunes, wide awake.

Honestly, I’m not too sure how I’m as awake as I am. This past weekend, I got a grand total of 7 and a half hours of sleep…3 and a half hours Sunday morning when I came home at 6 in the morning from my second overnight 10pm to 6am price changing spree, and 4 hours Monday morning, waking up for the usual early morning shift that starts ironically at 6 in the morning…I’m not complaining that I’m not getting enough sleep because that’s the last thing I want to do. I remember there was a time where I couldn’t fall asleep to save my life and a part of me hated it, while the other embraced its ability to unleash my creative chaos. Now, I honestly don’t want to fall asleep. I feel bad for falling asleep during the day, especially on a day that I don’t work. I feel like if I sleep in or nap during the day, then I didn’t accomplish anything, like my day is ruined, wasted. Why do I feel like this? I haven’t the slightly idea. I actually miss not being able to fall asleep. My creative side misses the random early morning writing sprees, accompanied by my iTunes library on shuffle. There have been nights/mornings where I battle the monster of Insomnia and the plague of stomach pain, but I wouldn’t say those count…My creative side doesn’t appreciate those nights/mornings at all, the same can be said for my not-so-creative side. No matter which way you cut it, nights/mornings like that suck majorly.

Luckily this Tuesday morning, I’m not plagued by anything except the fact that I’m wide awake. I wouldn’t really call that being plagued because this post is coming out of my inability of wanting to fall asleep, and usually being plagued wouldn’t produce anything but frustration and an hour or two of just staring at my alarm clock, shuffling through my Classic. Therefore, I’m not necessarily plagued per say, just able to find enough energy to create something meaningful out of an unlikely situation.

…It’s now almost noon on this Tuesday morning, and in case you haven’t been paying attention or fell asleep, you’ll notice that I myself fell asleep. Yes, I honestly thought I was stronger than that, but after walking around my kitchen aimlessly with Aiden on shuffle on my iPod, then retreating to my room, I found myself gravitating to my comfy sheets at a quicker rate than usual. Now, that I’m more well-rested than I was at 1 this morning, I’m not too sure what to write about now. I blame the lack of sleep…Lack of sleep ironically makes me think more, causing me to spill whatever I’m thinking about onto my keyboard…Plus my laptop was already turned on, the shining beacon of possibility among my never-ending harbor of racing thoughts. Yes, you read right. I just typed that. Unfortunately, it is true at the moment. I not too sure what to write about. Sure, my mind is racing as usual, but it’s more or less just the itinerary of my day off, which isn’t very interesting and I don’t want to disappoint with something that isn’t remotely interesting. I bet that if I was attending school right now, I would have loads of interesting things to share. Then again if I had classes, I probably wouldn’t be finishing this post and there’s a good chance it might not have been written because I would’ve already been sleeping by the time I started composing it early this morning. There certainly are advantages to that fact, but this is not a ranting post and I don’t want to turn it into one so close to the end. Besides, I’ve already ranted about college and I hate to repeat myself.

Right now, it’s a little after 1 and I’m listening to The Word Alive. I might as well find something interesting to do now that I’m not a walking zombie. Maybe get a Grande fancy coffee drink from Starbucks and if the weather persists to be somewhat beautiful, go to the park and then after watch The Shining with my boyfriend. Who knows, maybe I’ll go on an adventure and discover something outrageously interesting to write about along the way. Maybe I’ll go out on a whim and get another piercing without telling anyone…Which I honestly just might do one day, just not today. I’m not psyched up for it and the proper notifications haven’t been made, but when it happens, I will surely write about it.

This is what happens when I work the weekend graveyard shift. I can’t fall asleep, then I end up falling asleep later. Don’t worry, there’s more to come…And I will dub it ‘Graveyard shift, Take 3’. *hint, hint*.

It’s amazing what happens when you can’t sleep.

My Friend Of Insomnia 

I can’t sleep. It’s almost 2 in the morning and my eyes are wide open. Unfortunately, this isn’t something new. I find myself struggling with the awkward, stubborn Insomnia more than usual. I probably should go to sleep, lay in bed and give into the cliché of counting sheep, or listen to my Ipod or read. Reading always puts me to sleep, but I haven’t been in a reading mood in a while.

I’m just sitting here.

My dark red chair feels comfy at this time in the morning, more comfy than usual. I find myself sitting in it, listening to HIM’s cover of Blue Oyster Cult’s “Don’t Fear The Reaper” and searching for a picture for the next project I have in art class. Coincidentally, I’ve chosen a picture of HIM lead, Ville Valo. I thought I would stand out as far as pictures went, not to mention that the picture is beautiful. But that is for another day…

I feel like my mind is easily wandering this morning, more than any other time it wanders. I’m thinking about an array of different things at once. A doctor’s appointment I have today at 3 o’clock this afternoon and a paper for my Senior Seminar class due tomorrow (Friday). It’s almost finished, and my plans of completing it today just didn’t happen. I should work on it now, but I’m not in the right frame of mind to write something for school. I honestly can’t think of school right now, it’s just not what’s important at this time of the morning. In another 6 hours of course, but not now. What’s important now, is that I’m gently swooning to the ever-changing music on my Dell. Right now being “Mute” by Blaqk Audio, in 3 minutes or more being something else. My inability to listen to one song for too long has set in. It’s now “Warmness On The Soul” by Avenged Sevenfold. Strangely, this song is longer than the last, but it’s definitely more soothing. I think that in the battle of techno-electronica beats and pianos/old-school breakdowns, the latter is always the unlikely champion. Especially at this time of morning.

I’ve listened to the same song 3 times already, trying to convince myself to go to sleep. Give into the skillfully played piano, old-school sounding guitar solo and strange beauty of M. Shadows’s voice in the early days of their career. I’m pretty sure the play count has been upped to about seven or eight by now. Okay, the play count is probably higher, but I’m honestly not counting.

Before I descending into my room (literally), I was watching the shows Man vs. Wild and Monsters Inside Me. The episode of Monsters was a case of déjà vu from the beginning of the school year because it was the exact same episode I’d seen the first time I watched it. I watched it anyway, and it still creeped me out. The thought of a parasite living inside someone is disgustingly stomach-churning. I hadn’t seen the episode of Wild, although I think my dad did. Not too sure. I love how in the beginning of the show it’s Man vs. Wild with Bear Grylls. Curious to see if Bear was actually his name, I looked it up. No. Bear isn’t his real name. His name is actually Edward. That would’ve been pretty interesting if Bear was indeed his real name.

“Warmness On The Soul” passed by faster than it did all the other times it played, and I’m missing it. I could play it, but I’m too lazy. And tired. I’m feeling myself give into the sleepiness that I didn’t think I had in me, or maybe it’s because HIM is playing again. I find the latter to be the unlikely cause and the tiredness the more likely. It would make sense if I got some sleep. I would be able to focus and my mind wouldn’t be yelling at me every time I try to close my eyes. It would make a lot of sense if I got some sleep.

Right now, at nearly 4 o’clock in the morning on this Thursday, I’m listening to “Razorblade Kiss” by HIM and strongly considering going to bed. I might just let my mind wander, taking in Ville’s amazing voice, thinking too many thoughts.

I’m still sitting in my dark red chair, going on my second listening of “Razorblade Kiss”, regretting that I’m actually on my second listen. I know I’ll regret it a couple hours from now, but at least I can say that it was Ville’s voice that helped put me to sleep.

Insomnia is like chain-smoking. It doesn’t benefit you.