The 6 Year Fluke

Yesterday was June 6th, 2012, the day my brother graduated the 8th grade. Why is this a big deal other than the fact he’s moving on to high school in the Fall, and in all essence another stepping stone in this complicated and exciting thing we call Life? I graduated the 8th grade on June 6th, 2006, exactly six years ago.

I don’t want to say it’s creepy, but it kind of is. Creepy and interesting at the same time. He graduated at the age of fourteen, as did I. The only things that were different were the size of the space in which the event was held and the time. His was in the evening and mine in the morning.

Throughout the entire ceremony, I couldn’t help but think that I was back in the auditorium of my middle school, listening to everything the teachers and staff had to say to the graduating class. How we have all four years of high school ahead of us, how we can do anything we set our mind to…The one thing I don’t really think they elaborated on was how the real world will be. Granted, we were fourteen year olds, who already knew the dynamics of what it was like outside the school walls, but not to the extent that we would be faced with in high school and thereafter.

I often wonder if I’ve made the right decisions since that fateful day on June 6, 2006. Not that I’ve made the right decisions really, because only I can decide what decisions are right and wrong, but whether or not I’ve accomplished enough. The individuals I went to school with in junior high and high school have achieved more than I, but they’re not me and I’m not them. I’m my own person and I’ll do what I like on my own terms. No one else’s.

Yesterday was my brother’s 8th grade graduation, and I think he’ll be just fine come high school in the Fall. I have every ounce of confidence in him.

It’s amazing how time flies.

Graveyard Shift, Take 2

I should be sleeping right now. There are no two ways around that fact. My head should be resting on my headless Jack Skellington pillow case, listening to the tick-tock motions of the clock hanging in my room and Aiden’s latest release, Disguises, both slowly aiding in helping me achieve the sleep I so gravely desire. Needless to say, that isn’t happening or else I obviously wouldn’t be writing this post. Instead, I’m sitting on the futon in the area outside of my bedroom, listening to Aiden on shuffle on iTunes, wide awake.

Honestly, I’m not too sure how I’m as awake as I am. This past weekend, I got a grand total of 7 and a half hours of sleep…3 and a half hours Sunday morning when I came home at 6 in the morning from my second overnight 10pm to 6am price changing spree, and 4 hours Monday morning, waking up for the usual early morning shift that starts ironically at 6 in the morning…I’m not complaining that I’m not getting enough sleep because that’s the last thing I want to do. I remember there was a time where I couldn’t fall asleep to save my life and a part of me hated it, while the other embraced its ability to unleash my creative chaos. Now, I honestly don’t want to fall asleep. I feel bad for falling asleep during the day, especially on a day that I don’t work. I feel like if I sleep in or nap during the day, then I didn’t accomplish anything, like my day is ruined, wasted. Why do I feel like this? I haven’t the slightly idea. I actually miss not being able to fall asleep. My creative side misses the random early morning writing sprees, accompanied by my iTunes library on shuffle. There have been nights/mornings where I battle the monster of Insomnia and the plague of stomach pain, but I wouldn’t say those count…My creative side doesn’t appreciate those nights/mornings at all, the same can be said for my not-so-creative side. No matter which way you cut it, nights/mornings like that suck majorly.

Luckily this Tuesday morning, I’m not plagued by anything except the fact that I’m wide awake. I wouldn’t really call that being plagued because this post is coming out of my inability of wanting to fall asleep, and usually being plagued wouldn’t produce anything but frustration and an hour or two of just staring at my alarm clock, shuffling through my Classic. Therefore, I’m not necessarily plagued per say, just able to find enough energy to create something meaningful out of an unlikely situation.

…It’s now almost noon on this Tuesday morning, and in case you haven’t been paying attention or fell asleep, you’ll notice that I myself fell asleep. Yes, I honestly thought I was stronger than that, but after walking around my kitchen aimlessly with Aiden on shuffle on my iPod, then retreating to my room, I found myself gravitating to my comfy sheets at a quicker rate than usual. Now, that I’m more well-rested than I was at 1 this morning, I’m not too sure what to write about now. I blame the lack of sleep…Lack of sleep ironically makes me think more, causing me to spill whatever I’m thinking about onto my keyboard…Plus my laptop was already turned on, the shining beacon of possibility among my never-ending harbor of racing thoughts. Yes, you read right. I just typed that. Unfortunately, it is true at the moment. I not too sure what to write about. Sure, my mind is racing as usual, but it’s more or less just the itinerary of my day off, which isn’t very interesting and I don’t want to disappoint with something that isn’t remotely interesting. I bet that if I was attending school right now, I would have loads of interesting things to share. Then again if I had classes, I probably wouldn’t be finishing this post and there’s a good chance it might not have been written because I would’ve already been sleeping by the time I started composing it early this morning. There certainly are advantages to that fact, but this is not a ranting post and I don’t want to turn it into one so close to the end. Besides, I’ve already ranted about college and I hate to repeat myself.

Right now, it’s a little after 1 and I’m listening to The Word Alive. I might as well find something interesting to do now that I’m not a walking zombie. Maybe get a Grande fancy coffee drink from Starbucks and if the weather persists to be somewhat beautiful, go to the park and then after watch The Shining with my boyfriend. Who knows, maybe I’ll go on an adventure and discover something outrageously interesting to write about along the way. Maybe I’ll go out on a whim and get another piercing without telling anyone…Which I honestly just might do one day, just not today. I’m not psyched up for it and the proper notifications haven’t been made, but when it happens, I will surely write about it.

This is what happens when I work the weekend graveyard shift. I can’t fall asleep, then I end up falling asleep later. Don’t worry, there’s more to come…And I will dub it ‘Graveyard shift, Take 3’. *hint, hint*.

It’s amazing what happens when you can’t sleep.

Lack Of Sleep And A Higher Education 

It’s been a long time since I’ve written any kind of ranting post. I mean, it’s not that there’s nothing for me to rant about. Believe me, there are a lot of things I could be ranting on and on about, but would any of it be interesting or well, worth ranting about?…Then again, why am I asking the potential followers of this blog? I’m not too sure either.

Right now, I feel like I’m somewhat running on empty, which is absolutely no excuse for me to be ranting, but for some reason, I find myself noticing things more and more because I’m tired. You’re probably wondering why I’m running on empty and the answer is pure and simple…I worked overnight last from 10 at night to 6 this morning, scanning for price changes, and I didn’t get enough sleep beforehand. I did, but at the same time, I didn’t. I wasn’t falling asleep at all while I was scanning and walking around to different parts of the store, but I sure as hell felt the familiar cloud of sleepiness come over me. Don’t get me wrong, my first night of price changes was actually pretty peaceful and uncomplicated…And yes, I actually just said that price changes at the wee hours of the night/morning is peaceful because it is. I didn’t have to deal with any customers and their never-ending slew of questions, but I have to say it was pretty creepy hearing music over the speakers with practically no one in the store. Very creepyyy.

With the reason for my sleepy eyes accounted for, let me first start my little rant by saying that summer needs to be here already…It’s on everyone’s mind and no one seems to be saying anything, so I figured what the hell? I love how snow looks falling on the ground just as much as the next young lady, but it seriously just needs to stop altogether and be summer. I honestly miss warm weather. I mean, humidity gives me the worst headaches, but I would much rather have a headache that can be taken away with some good ‘ol Excedrin, then have a cold that takes a month to fully rid of. Headaches I can deal with, colds I unfortunately cannot. I seriously miss that great second season known as Summer. I miss going to the park and laying out in the grass or swinging on any available swingsets…Yes, I am indeed a child at heart…I miss swimming in my purple bathing suit and lounging out on the swing in my backyard, listening to whatever music happens to be on shuffle. All and all, I think it’s more than safe to say that I miss that beautiful and humidy-stricken thing called Summer. I only hope that it comes soon as oppose to later.

I’m going to veer off the subject of annoyances for a quick second because, quite frankly, I’m not too keen on what I can complain about at the moment. Sure, I’m running on said hours of sleep and there are plenty of things I could complain about. Believe me, there is. No doubt about that fact…Everything from the lack of sleep because of the overnight shift at work (despite the fact that I enjoy the silence and solitude) to the ever-growing fact that I’m not as close to some people as I was at the end of school year.

Yes, I think I found something to rant about all of a sudden. I remember somewhere around this time last year, I was talking about how I was getting ready for graduation and my plans after said graduation. Unfortunately, those plans didn’t turn out as well, planned. Call it being a loser or just one of the consequences of not saving for college ahead of time or whatever you damn well please, but I’m currently not going to school like the majority of my peers. Why? I honestly couldn’t afford it at the time. Sure, I had big plans of saving for college and strangely, I would have enough to pay for one semester with the money I have saved now plus the amount I was awarded, but I’ve opened my eyes to one simple fact: I don’t need to go to school right out of high school. I know I said that I was going to wait a while anyway and go in the Spring or this coming Fall, but honestly, I don’t really think I want to attend school even then. College would just be one more stress that I don’t think I need now, and I think anyone will agree that if you can put off something that’s stress-inducing until a better time when it might not be so stress-inducing, then why the hell not? Sometimes I seriously think that’s what separates me from some of the people I used to be close with at the end of the year last year, the simple fact that I’m not gaining some higher education at the moment. As if just because I’m not attending college, it makes me some kind of inferior person, basically a loser in every respect of the word. I’m somehow the lesser person because I’m working and not cramming my brain with information that may or may not benefit me in the long-run. Go figure. Thankfully, I don’t see it that way, or else I would be in school right now. Granted the entire reason is because I didn’t have the funds at the time, but still.

Once again, call it what you will, but I’m glad I’m not waking up early to go to school every day or designated day. I would much rather wake up early to go to work, being wired on caffeine to combat the lack of sleep, as oppose to the routine of waking up early and listening to a lecture that I would most likely fall asleep during. Coffee and energy drinks were invented for better causes than that.

For some reason, I’ve lost the fuel to rant at the moment…Whether it be the sleep I lost catching up with me or what have you, I feel like I have nothing to rant about anymore. It seems like I can only muster the brain power to rant about how much I miss Summer and how I don’t need the stresses of college right now, but I’m not too worried about that. Sure, there still are things I can rant about, and I’m more than positive they’re things I’ve ranted and raved about before, but they’ll have to wait ’til another time…When I’ve had more sleep and am not sleepwalking through Wal-Mart, helping my mother look for couch covers…I’m totally serious. It happened….Luckily, the two Grande orders of Starbucks somewhat helped.

(Kudos to whoever created the Cinnamon Dolce Latte. Your contribution to the arts of fine coffee-making is greatly appreciated.)

My lack of sleep and a higher education are just astonishing.

The Objects Of My Distraction 

Over the past two months or so, I haven’t really written anything…I’ll be honest…I’ve been ‘neglecting’ my love of writing by not really writing much at all. I used to think that inspiration would just hit and I could write something that came to mind just like that, but that’s the problem…Inspiration doesn’t always strike at the right time, and right now is no exception. Yeah, I’m writing but that doesn’t necessarily mean I’m inspired by some force other than myself…No, I’m just determined and motivated to make a change for the better.

I’ll be honest, I miss writing on this little blog of mine. I really do. You’re probably asking why I haven’t been writing and I have the answer…I found myself too busy with work/life/everything in between and unusually unmotivated to write at all…It’s honestly pretty terrifying, going from writing almost all the time, to finding yourself hardly writing at all. I find it kind of upsetting that I put something I adore on the back-burner as such, but I suppose that things you love have to become accustomed to the backseat sometimes.

Now that we’ve established that I’ve neglecting my passion of writing and what not (only to resurrect it back from the flames of its undying glory), let me just say that I’ve kept it in the dark for a good reason…A little thing called Life decided to struck like lightning and insisted on staying longer than expected. Through all the so-called torrents of rain and chaos that come with Life, there are always silver linings and rays of perpetual sunshine. Yes, I know what you’re thinking…Did she really just type that? Truth is, yes I did. It just came to mind and formed into words on this entry you’re reading, but yes it’s the honest-to-something truth.

These past three months sure have been an adventure to say the least. It’s safe to say that I now know what getting seven staples in the back of my head feels like, both put in and taken out…I know that just by that statement right there, the question of ‘What the hell?’ comes to mind, correct? Well, let me make a long, very fuzzy story short…And believe me, it was fuzzy because I don’t really remember it happening. Without sugar-coating any of this story, I fainted at work (how? the world may never know…), thus hitting the back of my head on the cold concrete that makes up the foundation of our lovely stockroom. Needless to say, I was rushed to the emergency room, not far from where I work, and my work day (and week for that matter) was cut short. But the tale will not be complete without adding all the parts that were not so fuzzy, right? Thankfully, I do remember everything after I fell, just not really the actual falling part. Go figure.

The worse part of the whole ordeal was the neck brace and endless waiting at the hospital. Yes, its standard procedure when dealing with head/possible neck injuries that the patient is fitted with a neck brace, which are very uncomfortable I might add. You did hear right…The worst part was the awkward neck brace and all the waiting around, somewhat, if not totally unsure…Not the actual process of finding out that you indeed need staples and that someone is actually going to be stapling the gash in your head closed with said staples. The ambulance ride to the hospital from the store where I work seemed to be somewhat of a blur. I remember being asked multiple times what happened by the EMS gentlemen before and after I entered the ambulance and honestly, I was starting to get frustrated and kind of pissed off…Yes, I indeed know my name, date of birth and all of that. Yes, I know where I work, that I indeed did faint, and that I am bleeding from a gash in my head. All of this I’m fully aware of, just not the full extent of the situation. The very reason why I’m going to the hospital. I can’t say that I blame them though, asking me those questions was just the standard, everyday protocol and I wasn’t really objecting to any of it…Mainly because I couldn’t, thanks to the neck brace and I just wanted to not move at all.

After a series of x-rays and such, I was informed that my head/neck/spine and any other parts of my body that would’ve been affected by the fall were totally fine, and that I could go home once the gash in my head was taken care of. Thanks to the advances in modern medicine, (and the fact that my loving mother and boyfriend were there, making me laugh and being the best distractions…) the only thing I felt was a little bit of pressure from the staples as they were going in. Yes, my mom and boyfriend were both there, keeping me company and listening to me complain about how much the neck brace sucked something awful. 10, maybe 15 minutes give or take some minutes later, I was on my merry little way. In pain nonetheless, with seven staples in my head and careful instructions on how to care for them and that I should be back in about 7 to 10 days to have them removed, but all in all, peachy keen…Peachy keen with a bloodstain on the neck of my pink and black flannel, a promise of whatever I wanted to eat and absolutely no explanation for why I fainted. Yes, you heard right. No explanation. Apparently, my blood work showed no levels of anything out of the ordinary and as far as everyone could see, I was perfectly ‘healthy’. Sitting here now writing this, I still have absolutely no idea what exactly made me faint that Tuesday in November, but it is safe to say that I’m one step closer to getting my health in check and under control, via the reason why ‘healthy’ was written as such.

Let’s face it: I’m not a shining beacon of perfect health. No one is. We all have our fair share of things that are wrong with us and I’m no exception…Now, enough of my droning on and back to what I was saying before…I’m one step closer to getting my health under control because, honestly, if it’s not one thing, it is indeed another. First let me just make a long story very, very short and cut to the chase. I have had asthma for as long as I can remember and I spent the majority of last year being told that I have/don’t have something called Crohn’s Disease, only to find out in November that I indeed do have the illness…

Please, before you continue reading this, don’t feel sorry for me. Please. I honestly hate when people feel sorry for me just because I have health issues. Everyone has health issues. I’m actually beginning to wish that everyone in this world could just be 100% sickness/illness/disease-free, that’s how sick I am of everyone having something wrong with them. People I know that could be used as poster children for perfect health suddenly have some kind of random health issue that you honestly never thought they would have. It’s just scary. The whole world just needs to be healthy already…Yes, I know I’m going on and on and what I’m asking for will probably never happen in this lifetime, but what the hell? It honestly doesn’t hurt to hope every once in a while.

…As I was saying before I went on about my feelings toward health, I have Crohn’s Disease. It’s honestly kind of weird because this around this time last year, I was dealing with it…I just had no idea what it was called and I seriously had my doubts that I even had the said illness. Once again, making a long story short, I had surgery on my stomach last year (one of the main reasons there were practically no entries for the months of May and April) and after that, I thought that I was pretty much cured of any and all stomach issues that had been plaguing me for some time, but of course that wasn’t the case. One minute, I was being told I had Crohn’s Disease and the next, I was being told I didn’t. As it turns out, every doctor looks at things differently because, well, no two doctors are the same. Sure, they practice the same thing, but let’s face it: They all have their own way of looking at things and giving their honest, educated opinions. Why was this such a big deal? My surgeon was completely convinced that I didn’t have the disease because everything came back negative after the surgery, and I honestly agreed with him. I wasn’t really going to second-guess someone who just spent roughly 5 or 6 hours cutting and sewing my stomach back into its correct state of being. My gastroenterologist was still convinced that I had the disease…And sure enough, some odd months later and almost a year after my surgery, I find out that I, do indeed, have Crohn’s Disease…Apparently, I had the intestine-inflaming illness the entire time, the fact that I needed surgery just masked the fact that I had it. Go figure. If it isn’t one thing, it surely is another.

Steering away from all the negativity, it’s safe to say that trying to keep my health in check hasn’t yet stopped me from putting my other passion on the back-burner. Music. Yes, if you’ve had the chance to read one of my many random music posts, you’d know how much I love music and love to write about it. Call it nerdy or whatever you want, but once again, I don’t care. Music and writing are my passions and that is that. These past three months, I’ve found that I’ve definitely broadened my horizons on the music front. I’m always trying to listen to something new whenever I can and now is no exception. There are a lot of bands that I’ve fallen in love with and some that I’m re-discovering, but there are two that I’ve found myself listening to a whole lot lately: The Damned Things and Florence + The Machine. I would go on and on about both musicians and other musicians that I’ve just recently fallen in love with or have been involved with for some time now, but I feel like I need a bigger space to express such findings…Which I fully intend to sooner or later. 🙂

There are more than likely a lot of other things that have been going on in Noelle’s little world of chaos and excitement…I just can’t for the life of me think of anything else that could be of any real importance right now or appropriately fit in with everything I’ve said so far. Granted, I’ve written things of no significance before and probably pieced different topics together hundreds of times, but still. I’m trying to make a change for the better this year, no matter how cheesy it sounds. As I’ve said before, I love writing and I honestly don’t want to see it become charred on the back-burner again. It just wouldn’t be cool, not one bit. Fear not, possible followers of this blog, there will most definitely be more to read. Without a doubt, there will be more to substance on this little piece of sanity I call my blog.

These are the objects of my distraction…Plently more where those came from, and finding more and more everyday.

All This Talk 

Last year as a junior, I remember overhearing all this talk about college, the future and what a headache it was. It’s all too safe to say that I now know what everyone was talking about.

It seems like right when you have all your plans neat and in a row, something comes along and ruins them. I’m not saying that that’s bound to happen, but it’s something that generally does. Don’t ask me why. I didn’t make the rules. I can say that my plans for the future and college have changed dramatically since last year, though. I thought that I’d had everything figured out last year, I thought I knew exactly what I wanted to do. Turns out I was wrong.

People change their minds a million and one times before they finally know what they want, or they know exactly what they want and go for it. I think that no matter what type of person you are, there is no true way of denying that your future isn’t set in stone. Things change for better or for worse and it seems like a lot of people think that they can work their way around that, the ever-changing events of this thing called Life. Just because they know what they want to do and know how to accomplish the said goal, nothing will happen to them. They’re invincible…It probably sounds like I’m being an outrageously morbid dream-killer, but whatever. I’m just clearly saying that things change all the time and some people don’t think that it will ever apply to them.

I’m just now starting to realize, with less than a month left of school, that I’m overwhelmed for the first time in my life. Yeah, it might sound like I’m exaggerating, and believe what you want, but it’s the truth. All this talk of college and plans for the future, and everything else going on, it’s not hard to be swallowed up by the ever-growing multitude of things to come. Luckily, I know exactly what I want. It’s just a matter of accomplishing it. I’m overwhelmed but not so to the point that I don’t know what I want.

My freshmen year, I never would’ve thought I’d be making journalism my college major…Yes, you heard right…I’m majoring in journalism. Is that such a crime? I didn’t think so. I remember freshmen year I was so caught up in the new experiences of high school that I had no idea what I wanted to do years down the road. I’d thought about maybe going into graphic design or something because my other passion (that I often put on the back-burner) is drawing. Art. I love it and everything it entails. I’m good at drawing, but I think I’m even better at writing. Sure, writing might not be as lucrative and in-demand as graphic design is at the moment, but I don’t care. You should be able to do something you love because you love it, not just because it pays the rent. My major is journalism and that is that.

Instead of starting classes in the Fall like any normal person would, I’ve decided to start my classes either in the Spring or next Fall. Everyone is different when it comes to well, just about everything, and my decision is no different. At first, I thought I HAD to go to school in the Fall. I thought it was something that just HAD to be done. I wasn’t even thinking that I had the choice to take time off from school. It wasn’t something that was going through my mind at the time. I was stressing about starting classes in the Fall, and I had absolutely no reason to because I didn’t have to start in the Fall. I’m so totally not starting in the Fall. I mean the last year of high school is stressful enough, why make it even more stressful by having to go through more school less than 4 months after you graduate? It might sound like I’m a total loser, not going to college right after I graduate, but I don’t see it that way. I want to be somewhat established in one way or another before I go off to college. It’s better to have a general idea of what you’re going to do, then storm through it all, guns blazing. Or at least that’s how I see it. The whole-guns-blazing-thing is only good for somethings, not all, and I don’t think college plans qualify as one of those things.

Right now, at this very moment in time, I’m happy to say that everything is planned out for the most part. Yes, like I said, things are bound to change whenever, but for right now, it’s safe to say that everything is good. School is over in less than a month, and while it would usually seem hectic and overwhelming (as I just stated a million times over above), that’s all a part of the ride. Prom is in a than a month, too and that’s something I’m actually looking forward to. Whether I happen to have a date or not, I’m going. I have the cutest dress (a dress I’ve had for a couple years now, actually) and I know exactly how I want to look.

All this talk is just that…Talk. It means nothing unless you actually go through with it, and all this talk is finally starting to turn into something. It’s more than safe to say that I have nothing to stress about anymore. I’m ready for whatever life has to throw at me, yet again.

Life is overwhelming and I’m just starting to realize that. Look ahead and hold on tight. It only gets more intense.

Fear & Loathing On The Creative Front 

It was back in November that I said I had to do a research paper on an author…Yes, it has been a while. I finally got the graded paper back in January, 3 months ago. I’m finally getting around to putting my hard work on display. Well, the cover page I made for the project at least.

I decided to only do one author for the paper instead of two because one was just easier and made all the more sense. I’m more than pleased with how the paper came out, and can’t get over how awesome the cover page looks. So without further delay, I present to you, the cover page for my research paper! (Which I should’ve posted 3 months ago!) 😦

Fear and Loathing…on the creative front.

My Friend Of Insomnia 

I can’t sleep. It’s almost 2 in the morning and my eyes are wide open. Unfortunately, this isn’t something new. I find myself struggling with the awkward, stubborn Insomnia more than usual. I probably should go to sleep, lay in bed and give into the cliché of counting sheep, or listen to my Ipod or read. Reading always puts me to sleep, but I haven’t been in a reading mood in a while.

I’m just sitting here.

My dark red chair feels comfy at this time in the morning, more comfy than usual. I find myself sitting in it, listening to HIM’s cover of Blue Oyster Cult’s “Don’t Fear The Reaper” and searching for a picture for the next project I have in art class. Coincidentally, I’ve chosen a picture of HIM lead, Ville Valo. I thought I would stand out as far as pictures went, not to mention that the picture is beautiful. But that is for another day…

I feel like my mind is easily wandering this morning, more than any other time it wanders. I’m thinking about an array of different things at once. A doctor’s appointment I have today at 3 o’clock this afternoon and a paper for my Senior Seminar class due tomorrow (Friday). It’s almost finished, and my plans of completing it today just didn’t happen. I should work on it now, but I’m not in the right frame of mind to write something for school. I honestly can’t think of school right now, it’s just not what’s important at this time of the morning. In another 6 hours of course, but not now. What’s important now, is that I’m gently swooning to the ever-changing music on my Dell. Right now being “Mute” by Blaqk Audio, in 3 minutes or more being something else. My inability to listen to one song for too long has set in. It’s now “Warmness On The Soul” by Avenged Sevenfold. Strangely, this song is longer than the last, but it’s definitely more soothing. I think that in the battle of techno-electronica beats and pianos/old-school breakdowns, the latter is always the unlikely champion. Especially at this time of morning.

I’ve listened to the same song 3 times already, trying to convince myself to go to sleep. Give into the skillfully played piano, old-school sounding guitar solo and strange beauty of M. Shadows’s voice in the early days of their career. I’m pretty sure the play count has been upped to about seven or eight by now. Okay, the play count is probably higher, but I’m honestly not counting.

Before I descending into my room (literally), I was watching the shows Man vs. Wild and Monsters Inside Me. The episode of Monsters was a case of déjà vu from the beginning of the school year because it was the exact same episode I’d seen the first time I watched it. I watched it anyway, and it still creeped me out. The thought of a parasite living inside someone is disgustingly stomach-churning. I hadn’t seen the episode of Wild, although I think my dad did. Not too sure. I love how in the beginning of the show it’s Man vs. Wild with Bear Grylls. Curious to see if Bear was actually his name, I looked it up. No. Bear isn’t his real name. His name is actually Edward. That would’ve been pretty interesting if Bear was indeed his real name.

“Warmness On The Soul” passed by faster than it did all the other times it played, and I’m missing it. I could play it, but I’m too lazy. And tired. I’m feeling myself give into the sleepiness that I didn’t think I had in me, or maybe it’s because HIM is playing again. I find the latter to be the unlikely cause and the tiredness the more likely. It would make sense if I got some sleep. I would be able to focus and my mind wouldn’t be yelling at me every time I try to close my eyes. It would make a lot of sense if I got some sleep.

Right now, at nearly 4 o’clock in the morning on this Thursday, I’m listening to “Razorblade Kiss” by HIM and strongly considering going to bed. I might just let my mind wander, taking in Ville’s amazing voice, thinking too many thoughts.

I’m still sitting in my dark red chair, going on my second listening of “Razorblade Kiss”, regretting that I’m actually on my second listen. I know I’ll regret it a couple hours from now, but at least I can say that it was Ville’s voice that helped put me to sleep.

Insomnia is like chain-smoking. It doesn’t benefit you.