Lack Of Sleep And A Higher Education 

It’s been a long time since I’ve written any kind of ranting post. I mean, it’s not that there’s nothing for me to rant about. Believe me, there are a lot of things I could be ranting on and on about, but would any of it be interesting or well, worth ranting about?…Then again, why am I asking the potential followers of this blog? I’m not too sure either.

Right now, I feel like I’m somewhat running on empty, which is absolutely no excuse for me to be ranting, but for some reason, I find myself noticing things more and more because I’m tired. You’re probably wondering why I’m running on empty and the answer is pure and simple…I worked overnight last from 10 at night to 6 this morning, scanning for price changes, and I didn’t get enough sleep beforehand. I did, but at the same time, I didn’t. I wasn’t falling asleep at all while I was scanning and walking around to different parts of the store, but I sure as hell felt the familiar cloud of sleepiness come over me. Don’t get me wrong, my first night of price changes was actually pretty peaceful and uncomplicated…And yes, I actually just said that price changes at the wee hours of the night/morning is peaceful because it is. I didn’t have to deal with any customers and their never-ending slew of questions, but I have to say it was pretty creepy hearing music over the speakers with practically no one in the store. Very creepyyy.

With the reason for my sleepy eyes accounted for, let me first start my little rant by saying that summer needs to be here already…It’s on everyone’s mind and no one seems to be saying anything, so I figured what the hell? I love how snow looks falling on the ground just as much as the next young lady, but it seriously just needs to stop altogether and be summer. I honestly miss warm weather. I mean, humidity gives me the worst headaches, but I would much rather have a headache that can be taken away with some good ‘ol Excedrin, then have a cold that takes a month to fully rid of. Headaches I can deal with, colds I unfortunately cannot. I seriously miss that great second season known as Summer. I miss going to the park and laying out in the grass or swinging on any available swingsets…Yes, I am indeed a child at heart…I miss swimming in my purple bathing suit and lounging out on the swing in my backyard, listening to whatever music happens to be on shuffle. All and all, I think it’s more than safe to say that I miss that beautiful and humidy-stricken thing called Summer. I only hope that it comes soon as oppose to later.

I’m going to veer off the subject of annoyances for a quick second because, quite frankly, I’m not too keen on what I can complain about at the moment. Sure, I’m running on said hours of sleep and there are plenty of things I could complain about. Believe me, there is. No doubt about that fact…Everything from the lack of sleep because of the overnight shift at work (despite the fact that I enjoy the silence and solitude) to the ever-growing fact that I’m not as close to some people as I was at the end of school year.

Yes, I think I found something to rant about all of a sudden. I remember somewhere around this time last year, I was talking about how I was getting ready for graduation and my plans after said graduation. Unfortunately, those plans didn’t turn out as well, planned. Call it being a loser or just one of the consequences of not saving for college ahead of time or whatever you damn well please, but I’m currently not going to school like the majority of my peers. Why? I honestly couldn’t afford it at the time. Sure, I had big plans of saving for college and strangely, I would have enough to pay for one semester with the money I have saved now plus the amount I was awarded, but I’ve opened my eyes to one simple fact: I don’t need to go to school right out of high school. I know I said that I was going to wait a while anyway and go in the Spring or this coming Fall, but honestly, I don’t really think I want to attend school even then. College would just be one more stress that I don’t think I need now, and I think anyone will agree that if you can put off something that’s stress-inducing until a better time when it might not be so stress-inducing, then why the hell not? Sometimes I seriously think that’s what separates me from some of the people I used to be close with at the end of the year last year, the simple fact that I’m not gaining some higher education at the moment. As if just because I’m not attending college, it makes me some kind of inferior person, basically a loser in every respect of the word. I’m somehow the lesser person because I’m working and not cramming my brain with information that may or may not benefit me in the long-run. Go figure. Thankfully, I don’t see it that way, or else I would be in school right now. Granted the entire reason is because I didn’t have the funds at the time, but still.

Once again, call it what you will, but I’m glad I’m not waking up early to go to school every day or designated day. I would much rather wake up early to go to work, being wired on caffeine to combat the lack of sleep, as oppose to the routine of waking up early and listening to a lecture that I would most likely fall asleep during. Coffee and energy drinks were invented for better causes than that.

For some reason, I’ve lost the fuel to rant at the moment…Whether it be the sleep I lost catching up with me or what have you, I feel like I have nothing to rant about anymore. It seems like I can only muster the brain power to rant about how much I miss Summer and how I don’t need the stresses of college right now, but I’m not too worried about that. Sure, there still are things I can rant about, and I’m more than positive they’re things I’ve ranted and raved about before, but they’ll have to wait ’til another time…When I’ve had more sleep and am not sleepwalking through Wal-Mart, helping my mother look for couch covers…I’m totally serious. It happened….Luckily, the two Grande orders of Starbucks somewhat helped.

(Kudos to whoever created the Cinnamon Dolce Latte. Your contribution to the arts of fine coffee-making is greatly appreciated.)

My lack of sleep and a higher education are just astonishing.

All This Talk 

Last year as a junior, I remember overhearing all this talk about college, the future and what a headache it was. It’s all too safe to say that I now know what everyone was talking about.

It seems like right when you have all your plans neat and in a row, something comes along and ruins them. I’m not saying that that’s bound to happen, but it’s something that generally does. Don’t ask me why. I didn’t make the rules. I can say that my plans for the future and college have changed dramatically since last year, though. I thought that I’d had everything figured out last year, I thought I knew exactly what I wanted to do. Turns out I was wrong.

People change their minds a million and one times before they finally know what they want, or they know exactly what they want and go for it. I think that no matter what type of person you are, there is no true way of denying that your future isn’t set in stone. Things change for better or for worse and it seems like a lot of people think that they can work their way around that, the ever-changing events of this thing called Life. Just because they know what they want to do and know how to accomplish the said goal, nothing will happen to them. They’re invincible…It probably sounds like I’m being an outrageously morbid dream-killer, but whatever. I’m just clearly saying that things change all the time and some people don’t think that it will ever apply to them.

I’m just now starting to realize, with less than a month left of school, that I’m overwhelmed for the first time in my life. Yeah, it might sound like I’m exaggerating, and believe what you want, but it’s the truth. All this talk of college and plans for the future, and everything else going on, it’s not hard to be swallowed up by the ever-growing multitude of things to come. Luckily, I know exactly what I want. It’s just a matter of accomplishing it. I’m overwhelmed but not so to the point that I don’t know what I want.

My freshmen year, I never would’ve thought I’d be making journalism my college major…Yes, you heard right…I’m majoring in journalism. Is that such a crime? I didn’t think so. I remember freshmen year I was so caught up in the new experiences of high school that I had no idea what I wanted to do years down the road. I’d thought about maybe going into graphic design or something because my other passion (that I often put on the back-burner) is drawing. Art. I love it and everything it entails. I’m good at drawing, but I think I’m even better at writing. Sure, writing might not be as lucrative and in-demand as graphic design is at the moment, but I don’t care. You should be able to do something you love because you love it, not just because it pays the rent. My major is journalism and that is that.

Instead of starting classes in the Fall like any normal person would, I’ve decided to start my classes either in the Spring or next Fall. Everyone is different when it comes to well, just about everything, and my decision is no different. At first, I thought I HAD to go to school in the Fall. I thought it was something that just HAD to be done. I wasn’t even thinking that I had the choice to take time off from school. It wasn’t something that was going through my mind at the time. I was stressing about starting classes in the Fall, and I had absolutely no reason to because I didn’t have to start in the Fall. I’m so totally not starting in the Fall. I mean the last year of high school is stressful enough, why make it even more stressful by having to go through more school less than 4 months after you graduate? It might sound like I’m a total loser, not going to college right after I graduate, but I don’t see it that way. I want to be somewhat established in one way or another before I go off to college. It’s better to have a general idea of what you’re going to do, then storm through it all, guns blazing. Or at least that’s how I see it. The whole-guns-blazing-thing is only good for somethings, not all, and I don’t think college plans qualify as one of those things.

Right now, at this very moment in time, I’m happy to say that everything is planned out for the most part. Yes, like I said, things are bound to change whenever, but for right now, it’s safe to say that everything is good. School is over in less than a month, and while it would usually seem hectic and overwhelming (as I just stated a million times over above), that’s all a part of the ride. Prom is in a than a month, too and that’s something I’m actually looking forward to. Whether I happen to have a date or not, I’m going. I have the cutest dress (a dress I’ve had for a couple years now, actually) and I know exactly how I want to look.

All this talk is just that…Talk. It means nothing unless you actually go through with it, and all this talk is finally starting to turn into something. It’s more than safe to say that I have nothing to stress about anymore. I’m ready for whatever life has to throw at me, yet again.

Life is overwhelming and I’m just starting to realize that. Look ahead and hold on tight. It only gets more intense.

Defective little dreamcatcher Pt. 2

All has not been fine and dandy in Noelle’s little dreamland. No sir or madam it hasn’t. Three days ago, I said that I thought my dreamcatcher was defective…Now, I think it’s truly is defective.

Yesterday morning, I woke up with a massive headache and gasping for air. Not something that I do very often when waking up. Not something that happens really at all. I had just woken up from a bad dream. No lie. A truly bizarre dream.

It started with me being at my friend Melodie’s house, except it didn’t look anything like her house. The inside was really cramped, and it didn’t look how I remembered. Granted, it’s been 4 years since I’ve been inside her house and it probably does look different now, but not like it did here. Out of nowhere, her boyfriend Tyler is there. He looked different. His hair was longer. The last time I saw him, it was short and blonde (probably his natural color…it’s been too many colors to count), and I doubt his hair grows that fast. They suggested that we all go see the fireworks, even though it’s clearly past the 4thof July. I decided to just go with it, and hope for the best.

The next thing I know, I’m sitting with Melodie and Tyler on someone’s front lawn, in what looks like a development. Which is totally weird because there is no suburban development of any kind by where either of us live. There were a couple other people sitting with us, but I had no idea who they were. Just then, I felt something in my tote bag. I didn’t remember having my Jack & Sally tote bag at all at Mel’s house. I reached in and found my cell phone, except it wasn’t my cell phone. This phone was dark red, the same color as my hair. I hit the screen of the new phone with my thumb, revealing that I had a new message…The message was from my ex-boyfriend.

In it, was an assortment of different pictures with words overlapping them. There was some random poem, an “I love you”, roses, and a merry-go-round, all in black & white. I was totally puzzled because I knew he would never send me this, especially since we’re not in a relationship anymore. I was going to show Melodie but thought better of it. The next message was even more unusual. My thumb touched the screen, and I saw his face. He was talking. I turned up the volume and heard what he was saying. “I love you. I want to get back together. I’ll change…I love you.” I just looked at the screen, dumbfounded. It was just so weird. I kept looking at the screen until I felt the phone vibrate again. It was another message with him talking again. This one was quite different, though. “I hate you. You ruined me. You ruined every chance I have at love. I hate you. I hate you.” He never told me he hated me when we were together. He never told me he loved me, either. Granted, we weren’t together for really that long. It was, like, a serious mood swing. Completely unexpected. I didn’t know what to feel or think.

All of a sudden I was in this room. It looked like a back room of a house. A line of computers against one wall, and couches and chairs scattered around. What’s up with computers in my dreams? Maybe it’s because I use mine almost every single day…It was really dark and I’d just received another message, but I couldn’t hear it or see it that well. I tried to turn up the volume, but it was already up to the maximum. Out of nowhere, I started to see and hear things. I was talking to a freakin’ lamp! The next thing I know, there’s a fire in the room, and I’m standing right there. The couches and chairs go up in flames, right where I could’ve sworn someone was sitting. Someone who looked like a cop, but probably wasn’t, came into the room and found something under one of the couches. It was a skeleton of what looked like a small deer. I started to cry. I knew that someone was sitting on that couch when I came in. They didn’t go anywhere. I knew they were there. I wasn’t crazy.

The next half of my dream was weird, but in a goofy way. I was walking by the flower shop by my house with a puppy, but it wasn’t my puppy. My puppy is pretty big for being a puppy, but this puppy was the size of a regular one. A big one, but a puppy nonetheless. I was just walking with it, when I saw one of my relatives (the same one from the Christian Bale dream in Pt. 1), my neighbor, and a family friend. All three sipping tea next to the flower shop. They surprisingly didn’t say anything to me, which I thought they would. I continued to walk on with my puppy until I reached my house. When I walked through the front door, there were five people waiting for me. Three women and two men. All five were heavily tattooed, and pierced. Their tattoos and piercings looked very good on them, though. Some people’s tattoos/piercings don’t look very flattering on them, but not in this case. They all looked very beautiful, even the men.

The women were modern-day pin-up girls or at least that’s what they looked like. Perfect, smooth, sleek hair dyed dark purple, dark blue, and red, respectively. Make-up, but not too much, just enough to show the true beauty of their eyes and lips. Black high heel Mary Janes, black skirts, and different textured corsets adorned the three women in front of me. The men were modern-day gentlemen. Black straight-legged pants, a little on the skinny side, black Converse, black button-down shirts, and black fedoras graced the handsome men.

After looking at the five people in front of me for awhile, I began to wonder why they were in my house. Could it be something I was wearing maybe? A black Tripp skirt, with matching corset, black Doc Marten’s, just enough eye make-up (so I don’t look like the walking dead!), and my dark red hair looking perfect and strangely really pretty…I looked kind of like a smaller version of the three women. Minus the tattoos and excessive piercings. Maybe that’s why they were here. I heard them talking about tattoos, and I would be 18 in a week…

Then I woke up. Gasping. From what? Absolutely no idea. The first thing that I could think of was that I was gasping from the fire, but that was the first part of my dream. I was way past that in my little dreamland. And what about my killer headache? Trying to figure out why those beautiful, excessively tattooed and pierced people were in my house? I couldn’t think of any other reason than the latter. The lack of sleep I’ve been getting could be the reason as well. I have no idea. I think, sir or madam, that this proves how my dreamcatcher is defective.

Chocolate and interesting documentaries are sometimes the worst things to consume before bed.

The beauty of the local ‘undergound’ music scene

It’s so loud that you can’t even hear yourself think. So loud that when you walk outside to escape the heat, it’s even harder to hear yourself talk or anyone else talk. Your feet become freakin’ numb from standing so long. The drums seemed to literally pound so loud that it can lead to a pretty intense headache…Yes, it’s possible. Welcome to the local ‘underground’ music scene.

Last night was the first time I’d seen my other best friend, Melodie and her boyfriend Tyler, in over a month. The last time I saw both of them was when we hung out on the 4th of July at one of Tyler’s concerts. Tyler’s concerts, meaning his band DoomKaiser. Don’t ask where the name came from because I have no idea. This was my first time seeing them. I missed them when I went on before. 😦 And I thought I’d miss them last night, but luckily that  wasn’t the case.

I got at the show at around 7:40 and DoomKaiser wasn’t said to go on until 10:30…Knowing the local scene, bands usually NEVER go on when they’re expected to. I almost got hit by a car running across the street, which was pretty crazy ’cause I usually wait for the cars, sometimes a little too long, but I always wait. Fortunately, I didn’t get hit or else I’m not sure I’d be writing this entry.

The concert venue itself seemed kind of cramped, considering the fact that there were alot of people there. A long bar dominated the whole right side, a good sized stage was to the left, and beyond the stage were tiny tables & chairs. The wall across from the bar, by the stage, was all mirrors. I thought that was kind of odd. After I walked by the stage, I felt total  déjà vu. I noticed it was one of the venues I’d been at almost 6 years ago, when I would frequently see random local bands. Strange, but totally cool.

The first band I didn’t know the name of. All I knew was that there were two guys from school in the band, which was cool. I didn’t think I’d see so many people from school all bunched up together in one place, other than school.  The lead singer, one of the guys from school, kinda looked to me like Maroon 5 lead singer, Adam Levine. Almost same hair and eyes. Minus the lip piercing. They were ok. I didn’t really hear all their set, so I couldn’t totally determine whether I liked them or not. Plus, I was either going outside to escape the insane heat inside or following Melodie, following Tyler.

The second band changed their name again, so I wasn’t really sure what they were called. I wasn’t really following anyway. A few of the members were people from school, yet again, people who I’d usually see around. I’d heard about how good they were from somewhere down the line and I’m not sure whether I agree or disagree. I mean they were good, but they were things I didn’t like. I wasn’t a big fan of the vocals. They reminded me of the lead singer of Killswitch Engage, Howard Jones. There’s nothing wrong with Killswitch. I used to listen to them, but it’s just something I kinda grew out of, found other bands I like alot more. I think the vocals was the only thing I didn’t thing I wasn’t jumping up and down about. I thought they’d be alot heavier and more raw.  The guitars and drums were really good, though.  

The third band I didn’t listen to. It was getting outrageously hot inside and we didn’t really feel like listening to them. It seemed like I was standing outside forever with Mel. Tyler was running around, a million things going through his head, trying to sort everything else. He kept asking us to follow him, then he’d turn around and kinda desert us. Can’t blame him, though. Stress. Frustration. Pretty chaotic. He was able to keep his cool, which was good. 😉

The fourth band was awesome! 13 Lucky Bullets and they’re native to Michigan, not that far from my native Ohio. Mel told me they played with Tyler’s band before, but obviously I hadn’t seen them yet. I honestly didn’t know what to expect, though. The lead singer had the coolest hair! It was shoulder-length, light brown and curly. That made me smile. 🙂 The drummer had the same curly hair, just shorter. They’re sound wasn’t like your typical heavy metal band. They had someone on keyboard, which I thought was pretty cool. I’d honestly never seen a heavy band having a keyboard at their shows. One minute the lead singer, whose name is Vince (discovered that this morning on their Myspace page. Still extremely overrated, but it’s a great resource for local music!), went from regular singing, very good singing, to blood-curdling screams and growls. I definitely wasn’t expecting that. I’m not sure how to really describe their music. In my opinion, it’s really good. Granted, the next person down the line could think they’re not so good. It’s all about what you like.

The one or two bands after 13 Lucky Bullets, I didn’t pay attention to. I was developing a headache and needed to find sanctuary from the heat again. Plus, Tyler was running around, stressing again, so Mel and I followed him yet again. 😉 It was already past 11 and it started to feel like it. Tyler’s band was supposed to go on at 10:30, but no sir or madam that did not happen. Exactly an hour later, DoomKaiser hit the stage and yes sir or madam it was worth the nearly 5 hour wait. Everything about them was awesome! The drums, guitars, bass, vocals…All just heavy and raw, totally exceeding any expectations I had. I was thinking about leaving earlier because I didn’t feel that great, but I’m happy I eventually felt better and stayed. It was definitely worth the wait! I’m hoping to see them perform at another show soon! 🙂

Music is a voice when you’re too scared or too much of a coward to use your own.