‘Curse’ Broken (Winston McCall & The Squirrel Trio)

I stayed up until 3:30 this morning, fighting another temporary bout with my friends, the ever-foreboding sinus headache and not-so-temporary stomach pain (or “tummy troubles” as the little boy on the Culturelle commercial would say). Oddly enough, those obstacles didn’t stop me as they have been for the past couple weeks.

After letting my body and immune system dictate what was going to be accomplished and what wasn’t, they finally took a break. I finally made it to the community college I’ve been meaning to for the last month, and it feels like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I had been somewhat dreading the whole thing for a while, but there wasn’t really anything I needed to be worried about in the first place. I had taken the test before and knew what it entailed, but I still found myself feeling the jitters and butterflies of everyone’s fleeting friend known as nervousness.

Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed (wide awake with only 5 hours of sleep), I brushed all that apprehension aside and felt completely and utterly motivated to accomplish the task at hand. I walked through the doors and remembered exactly where I was supposed to go…No guidance needed, yo. My memory is pretty damn good, thank you. Sorry, my inner Jesse Pinkman decided made yet another appearance…The entire test as a whole went pretty well. It took me a while to type in my correct ID number (even though it was right in front of me), but that was just the nerves talking. I felt extremely confident whether I truly believed it or not.

And I had every reason to be…

No more of that old “unsure, putting down, low-self esteem bullshit” (pardon my English). Yes, believe it or not, I have self-esteem issues sometimes. There are times when I get stressed, as everyone does now and then, and feel like I am less than what I am. I used to put myself down pretty hard sometimes, feeling like I wasn’t good enough, even though I knew I was as every good as people said I was. With all that I just said, yes I will admit that those feelings creep up every now and again, but they instantly disappear as quickly as they manifested. Belittling confidence leads to stress, and believe me, the last thing I need is stress. Stress leads to my health getting worse, and my health getting worse isn’t the type of ride I’d like to endure anytime soon.

…I aced it. My results were printed out and the kind lady behind the desk told me I scored 94 out of 100, meaning I am eligible to take the 1010 English course, College Composition I. One below honors College Comp II. I tried to remember the score I had gotten two years ago when I took the same placement test, along with the math placement test. I found the old test score in a drawer of my desk and I scored 65 out of 100. An F…Honestly, the only reason my score was so low was because I seriously wanted to get the hell out of there. It was summer and I wanted to enjoy the weather. Can you really blame me?…This time I was more than motivated to score higher. I was so determined because if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be able to take the Psychology course I’d like to. Plus, it’s winter. I didn’t really want to go out into the cold, although I would rather be cold than hot.

Once I went over my score a couple of times with manic excitement, I made my way outside only to be greeted by freezing cold that is so typical of our Ohio winters. Don’t get me wrong, I still would prefer the cold to the humidity (even though I oddly prefer the headaches the humidity-ridden summer brings as oppose to the month-long colds the winter dishes out), but it was honestly pretty damn cold today. However, I didn’t find myself being bothered by the cold for very long. I sat down on the closest bench and admired the campus, watching a trio of squirrels scamper across the lawn, all the while being serenaded by Parkway Drive’s Winston McCall.

Gotta love metalcore.

All and all, today was a pretty good day. I accomplished a feat that had been pining away in the back of my mind for over a month. Goddamn immune system. As I said before, I feel like there is a huge weight off my chest. I can now register for spring classes, and it’s one less thing I have to worry about. I actually feel optimistic about the future, but at the same time, I don’t want to get ahead of myself. I will do everything that I can do at the moment, and worry about other obstacles when they need to be worried about and deal with them at the appropriate time. It’s as simple and uncomplicated as that, and I couldn’t be happier.

The girl with the raindrop tattoo is now the girl with the optimism boost.

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Mind Tricks Or The Plague Of Forgetfulness?

It was around 11 ‘o clock or so when it began to come on. Again.

The routine 11 to 11:30 episode of The Big Bang Theory was an earlier one from the first season, entitled “The Pancake Batter Anomaly”. Even though I knew I more than likely saw the episode before, I didn’t dare touch the remote…Granted, my dad had the remote and honestly, why wouldn’t you want to watch a rerun of Big Bang? It’s one of those shows I can watch and not get sick of…Long story short (and without giving too much away), Sheldon gets sick and Penny is stuck nursing him back to health. How does this particular episode pertain to what I’m currently typing?

Uncanny coincidence.

Sometime in that half-hour, I sneezed. Immediately after that one harmless sneeze, I felt that familiar haze of a sinus headache coming on. Of course. The day before I planned on finally retaking the English test, I start to feel like Death.

When I made the remark to my dad about how that’s just my luck, he told me maybe it’s psychological. Somehow my body is turning the fact that I’m a tad nervous into some kind of cold. Is it really possible for the psyche to turn something so little as a bit of nerves into the start of yet another temporary cold?…I honestly have no idea.

The cause of such random, short-term bouts with the common cold could either all be in my head or the fact that I’ve forgotten my scarf every time I go somewhere. The one thing that might actually be beneficial in the cold Ohio winter has been hanging over my comfy red chair in my bedroom, untouched and unused.

It’s 4:48 a.m. and I can still feel that familiar acquaintance known as headache plague my sinuses. Two decongestants and countless Kleenex, and the product hasn’t changed. I know the better half of me is saying that sleep is probably the best idea at this moment, and it does sound like a pretty nice idea. I want to say that my mind is racing (because it usually is at this time in the morning if sleep eludes me) but that could just be the soreness in my body (goddamn coughing!) and pressure in my sinuses talking. I know it is indeed the troublesome pain talking. I think I will actually give into my better judgement, and sleep this annoyance away.

Is it subliminal mind tricks or the every day action of forgetting?…This green-eyed girl may never know.

My Own Worst Enemy

My body hates me.

I’m more than certain that my immune system is trying to sabotage any and all important goals that need accomplishing. Okay, maybe not any and all goals, but just the one I’ve been trying to make a reality since last Friday.

Typical.

I woke up at 8 ‘o clock yesterday morning, actually psyched and determined to retake an English test at the community college I plan to attend in the Spring…Yes, it’s a community college, but it’s a college nonetheless…That, however, did not happen. After sitting through a half hour of news stories that I’d heard about the day before, I remembered that Supernatural moved the air time an hour early to 9 ‘o clock. I turned on the respective channel, only to watch a rerun of a season three episode, which wasn’t really a big deal. It’s the kind of show I can watch reruns over and over again without getting sick of it because there’s something that I seem to notice upon the second or third watch, and honestly, it’s always good to refresh your memory.

In what seemed like a matter of minutes, I started sneezing. I could instantly feel that dreaded cloud of the common cold weigh me down. After the sneezing came the sinus headache, which then proceeded into coughing…The same thing happened last Friday (my first attempt at going to the desired destination), only with sneezing and a stomach-ache…I took a non-drowsy decongestant only to wind up falling asleep for a half an hour or so.

By the time I woke up, I felt like my whole day was wasted. Even though that wasn’t the case. Sure, it was noon, maybe 12:30 at the latest (I honestly can’t remember) and I didn’t accomplish the goal I’d been trying to complete since last week, but it’s not a waste of a day if you do what needs to be done to get your day started then chill out and relax, in hopes of feeling better. I did everything I needed to do and other things around the house, then proceeded turn on my Dell and watch something on Netflix.

After watching a long assortment of the paranormal misadventures of Sam and Dean Winchester on Supernatural, using countless Kleenex, and self-medicating with three decongestants, I can say that I do feel a little better. Not much. That sounds horrible because I’ve been trying to feel better the majority of the day and right when I start to feel good, it goes downhill. The fact that I’m only feeling a little better can be blamed for the other evident fact that I cannot fall asleep. Sure, my eyes are starting to get a little heavy and my muscles are sore from coughing, but I don’t feel drowsiness envelop me yet.

And I take that back. Okay, I don’t totally take it back because the feeling just hit me, but you get the idea. The warmth from the heat coming from the vent in my room blowing directly onto me just a couple of seconds ago was honestly making me tired. Not to mention the fact that I’m cold. I have my Emily The Strange blanket my best friend bought me some 8 years ago, but that doesn’t seem to be doing me any justice.

I feel like this whole post I just wrote is about how horrible I felt today…And I did. Sometimes I feel like I should sugarcoat things as far as my health goes because I don’t want to have a sympathy for the devil thing going on, but today was nothing serious. Just a cold, everyone gets them. Unless of course you happen to have an amazing immune system or are some kind of superhero. While the latter is the most absurd of notions, it is far more interesting than the immune system. Now I’m just rambling mindlessly because I’m tired.

It’s 5:44 a.m. on this Saturday morning, sixteen minutes until 6 a.m. The warmth from the vent is making another appearance, and I’m going to take that as a way of my house letting me know I should hit the hay…And by typing what I just did, I think it’s a good idea that I go to bed.

My body is my worst enemy…

Sleep is the best medicine.

The Bubbles & The Bear

I watched the bubbles as they floated in the air, being carried by the occasional wind, while others hit the concrete before they could be devoured by the big monster in the yard. I felt like a kid again, blowing bubbles on a nice Summer day. Until the big monster in the backyard ate them…The monster I’m referring to is my dog, Tucker.

When I say that Tucker is a monster I don’t mean he’s a Great Dane or anything like that. He’s not a massive dog, he’s only massive compared to our other dog, a Beagle/Jack Russell mix. We think that Tuck is an English Foxhound, or at least that’s what he looks like. Every year since I got him for my 17th birthday, I’ve watched the AKC Eukanuba Dog Show to see which type of hound he might be, and my vote rests on the English Foxhound theory. I remember when I first got him he was a bag of bones, and that’s exactly what he sounded like when he laid down. A bag of bones. The same cannot be said now. Now he’s roughly 80 pounds and crashes into anything and everything. A couple of months ago, he rammed into the gate opening up to our backyard and just yesterday he ran right into an outdoor fireplace that is now used to hold potted plants. It’s like he doesn’t even feel whatever it is he runs into. He just keeps on moving…

A while ago I had this theory that if Tucker was a person he would be English actor Tom Hardy. It didn’t really make much sense until we found out what type of dog he might be. The theory only became more plausible when I found out Hardy’s character in the movie This Means War is indeed named Tuck. Yeah, it does seem silly but whatever…What can I say? I’m a Tom Hardy fan.

…Tucker (or “The Big Bear” as we often call him) is now obsessed with the bubble machine that we unearthed from the depths of the garage. At first, he wasn’t too sure where the bubbles came from or what they were. He just stared at them as they hit the ground, trying to figure out where they went. One of the bubbles managed to hit his back. After one popped on him, it was all over. Tuck managed to find that the bubbles were indeed coming from the bubble machine and not some kind of random manifestation. He then proceeded to stand in front of the machine and bite at the bubbles. Yes, you read right. Bite at the bubbles. It was the funniest thing.

“The Bear” was like a child, fascinated with something new and amusing. Like all good things have to come to an end, the merriment of the bubble machine was cut short, but that didn’t seem to bother Tuck one bit. Once the machine was shut off, he continued chewing the stick he found in the large pile by our fire pit. The simplest things make him happy. Sometimes I wish I was a dog.

You know your dog is like you when they fall going up the stairs.

Third Day Of My Last Year

It’s Monday. The third day of my last year. I’m starting to really annoy myself when I think that. The third day of my last year…It sounds like I’m gonna die next year or something. How horrible. I still can’t get my head around the fact that I’m a senior, though. Getting past that totally annoying saying that I have to not say anymore…Yes, it is indeed Monday. And this Monday, I actually had fun in gym.

Last night and this morning, I felt, well not the best. Since the weather is deciding to go to from really warm to really chilly, my allergies and asthma were acting up. Not very cool, believe me. I feel asleep on the couch in our living room, which is something I never do on school nights. Well, I do, just not when I’m fully ready to sleep in my own bed. I feel asleep on the couch, with a chocolate brown fleece blanket over me, watching the show Monsters Inside Me. I don’t know if I fell asleep because I was tired or because of the really gross cases on the show. People were getting sick from bugs that were inside them. Actually inside them…I’m surprised I even slept.

I woke up a little later than I’d hoped, but I still woke up. I was feeling better. Still hurting in some places, but I was ok enough to go to school. I took a shower, got dressed, ate, fooled around with my hair, and did an asthma treatment. A big asthma treatment. The same asthma treatment that made me leave for school later than I usually would have, but it wasn’t really a big deal. I could hardly get into school anyway.

I stood there, in front of school, with countless other people, waiting to get into school. It wasn’t raining like it had been on Friday, which was good. It was actually a pleasant morning to be standing outside. If only I wasn’t at school…I watched people cut in front of other people. I didn’t cut in front of anyone, or at least I tried not too. I was just standing there, listening to AFI’s new single “Medicate”. I must have listened to it more than 5 times while waiting in the make-shift lines. A couple more in between classes through out the day. Finally, I made it into school. 20 minutes late, but I made it. My first period teacher was surprisingly ok with the fact that I was late. Others filed in after me a couple minutes later.

Most of this really sunny, chilly Monday was ordinary. All of my classes going by really quick, which is pretty normal because I only have 6 classes this year. English seemed to drag on, though. Probably because we weren’t doing anything. People were sitting there, holding their own conversations, while my teacher took attendance. He said something about handing us out books, but I guess there are more people coming in. Speaking about people coming into class, my French class was insane! There seemed like there were alot more people as oppose to Friday. The maximum capacity is, like, 25 and I think it might have been exceeded or will be soon.

The bell that ended English rang fashionably late, as I’m thinking it will all year. Lunch went by fast. I didn’t get lunch today, even though I told myself I would today. I just didn’t feel like getting up. My laziness for ya. I wished that I’d remembered to take my Amp energy drink out of the fridge before I left this morning. The bell that ended lunch was also, fashionably late. I walked into gym, dreading it a little.

The gym, for some reason, didn’t look as big as it did last week. Maybe the reason why my dread wasn’t so strong as it before. Now, I don’t hate gym at all. I love gym. I love playing volleyball. In my eyes, it’s the best stress reliever. Especially, if I’m having a bad day. I pretend the ball is someone’s head. Always works to relieve stress for me. I sat by this girl from my English class, Mariah, and my friend from freshmen year, Alyssa. After it took my gym teacher what seemed like forever to take attendance, the three of us decided to play ping pong.

At first, I wasn’t too sure if I should play because of my breathing, but it was fine all day, so I figured what the hell? Not the best move on my part, but I know my limits. I know what I can and can’t do. Mariah and Alyssa played a game of ping pong first. I was just watching against the bleachers. When they finished playing, I played Mariah. I honestly didn’t know how good I was at ping pong. I’d never played it to know whether I was good or not. I guess I’m a little too talented, I hit the ball up so high, it got stuck in between the upper part of the bleachers. We asked the other gym teacher if we could go get it, and she let us. All three of us walked up the steps next to the boys’ lockeroom, and found ourselves actually on top of the bleachers. I’d never been up there before, only of my firsts as a senior. After we got the ball, Alyssa and I played a game. Once again, I guess I was good. I didn’t get it up on top the bleachers again, which was good, but I barely missed the ball, either. I was what Alyssa called a “beast”.

Even when we were playing volleyball, two against one, I was still a “beast”. Two on one isn’t fair, but it’s how we played. I wished we had another player, but there wasn’t anyone else I knew and all the other individuals in the gym were preoccupied with their own things, and I’m very shy. People I don’t know + Being shy = Being very, very shy…I wasn’t as rusty as I thought I would be. The last time I’d played volleyball was in May, when my one teacher wasn’t there and my class had to go to the gym. Every serve Mariah hit to me, I hit. I never knew I had such an intensity for volleyball. I never missed a hit, with the exception of the soft ones or the ones that went over my head. And me being so tiny, it’s not that hard. The first 5, maybe 10 minutes of playing, my wrists were red. It didn’t bother me, though. It’s the only sport I’m relatively good at, so I figured at a little pain and soreness is worth it. We played until my gym teacher told us to put the ball up. My wrists were still red. My last bell of the day rang. Fashionably late, of course.

I walked home in the beauty and coolness of the afternoon sun, my wrists still red, still listening to “Medicate”. Today, I surprisingly learned alot. People who seemed like, not nice people, turn out to be ok. French is wayyy too crowded. My art teacher will not be at school this Friday. My English class has more people, and we will slowly, but surely be learning something soon. I write too much when my Health teacher only asked for 3 to 5 sentences. I have listened to AFI’s new single too many times. Wayyy too many times. That’s my Monday.

I guess I’m a “beast”.