A Very Sleepy Christmas

My bedroom smells like gingerbread, courtesy of the Frosted Gingerbread candle burning on my desk. The living room still smells of the ‘Tis The Season candle my mom bought a week or so ago, where the new Christmas tree (our fourth or fifth one to be exact) can be found along with the Christmas cards we received this year, taped to the doorway leading to the kitchen. Even though yesterday was Christmas, it didn’t feel different from any other day.

I somewhat felt like a little kid again, staying up until early in the morning, waiting for Santa to come, even though I know he wouldn’t make an appearance until I was fast asleep. The only problems with that equation are that there isn’t actually a Santa Claus, I’m (unfortunately) not a child anymore and I wasn’t accompanied by any high hopes for a stranger bearing gifts because the presents were already under our tree. Okay, that’s a lie. I didn’t completely feel like I was five again, but you get where the stereotypical nostalgia comes into play.

I found myself staying up until four in the morning, accompanied by the familiar acquaintances sleeplessness and a stomach-ache. I finally managed to go to sleep, only to be woken up some four hours later. Strangely, it wasn’t that big of a deal, my slumber being interrupted. Usually, it would be because I don’t get enough sleep as it is, but yesterday was different. It was Christmas.

As every year, once everyone was awake, fully or not, it was time to open presents. I opened two boxes, finding inside a really pretty framed painting, a lacy grey top that would be perfect to wear to a New Year’s party (if I had one to go to) and a grey ‘boyfriend’ cardigan I’d seen at Target a couple of weeks ago that I regretted buying until yesterday…Not to mention the money I’d received on Christmas Eve or the day before, and the box of Ferrero Rocher my brother opened before I opened my second box…What can I say? I’m a chocolate lover, and my parents know it.

The rest of my Christmas went as follows:

Sleep, sleep and more sleep.

I fell asleep and woke up at noon or so, only to fall back to sleep. I finally got my ass in gear and got my afternoon started (yes, afternoon). For some reason, I always kind of feel bad if I fall asleep on a holiday (or sometimes any day) for a long period of time, but it wasn’t like I was doing anything. Honestly, I wasn’t. My family wasn’t doing anything for Christmas, other than opening presents, holiday dinner and hanging out. When it comes to Christmas, or any holiday for that matter, my family is usually pretty chill. Nothing special, really, just celebrating it with family and being thankful for what it is we do have, not what we don’t.

All and all, this Christmas was a good one. While it was the first Christmas without my sister, and somehow lacked the cheer it previously had in all my 21 years, but I have no complaints.

…Scratch that. I do have one complaint…

I couldn’t find Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer on any channel. Sure, there was A Christmas Story on for 24 hours as it for as long as I remember, the History Channel having plenty of things on about Jesus (even though it seemed like the contents of said specials concerning Christ should be shown during another time) and an Indiana Jones marathon, but no Rudolph. I proceeded to search the for the good ‘ol red-nose by name on TV, only to find that he won’t be making an appearance until New Year’s Eve, in Rudolph’s Shiny New Year.

Figures. The one time I actually want to watch something that’s Christmas-related, it isn’t even on. Just my luck. Thankfully, New Year’s Eve is only four days away, and the fact that there will be an all day Twilight Zone marathon makes it even better. While Netflix does have the show amongst the endless amount of shows that are featured, it only has seasons 1-3 and 5. After countless hours of watching it earlier this year, I still don’t get why that season is absent. Oh well. Like some things in this vast world, this green-eyed girl may never know.

Even though this Christmas honestly didn’t feel like, well, Christmas, it was still a great one. I would be lying if I didn’t say it was. Granted, there was only one piece of Cheesecake Factory brand cheesecake and no hot apple cider consumed by yours truly, and more than one nap taken, but you get the idea. Whether this year had that particular cheer or not, it doesn’t change the fact that it was a good one at that.

The trademark Ohio snowfall made it all the more sleep-inducing.

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Pumpkin Cookie Nostalgia/My So-Called Obsession

I think it’s finally set in. I’m realizing that I no longer have the luxury of picking up my cell phone to call or text, asking to get coffee or if it’s cool to come over and bake. Now that I no longer have that luxury, I feel like I took it for granted.

It’s finally set in. My sister is in Seattle, Washington, and I miss her.

As I’ve said before, her moving to Washington has been a long time coming, and it never really bothered me until recently. It doesn’t bother me, more like sunk in. Hit me. I’ve semi-lost the person I had so much fun with. Sure, we still communicate via text and Facebook, but it doesn’t compare to the flesh and blood aspect of our interactions.

I miss making homemade cookies and pumpkin rolls while listening to ’90’s Industrial. I miss accompanying her to Starbucks to get pumpkin spice lattes when late September rolled around. I miss her and her fiancé coming over in the Summer for barbecues. I miss asking her for advice, seeing her reaction and contemplating what to do about said issue. I seriously miss just hanging out with her.

The reason for all this nostalgia is quiet simple and even silly some might be so bold to say. The early ’90’s show My So-Called Life.

Some odd years ago when I first heard (and later saw live) the band 30 Seconds To Mars, my sister informed me that lead singer/guitarist Jared Leto wasn’t just a musician, but also an actor. She told me she first saw him in Life, and at the time I had no idea what she was talking about. The show aired in 1994, meaning she was thirteen and I was three. The reason why I had no idea what she was talking about.

I now know exactly what she was talking about.

I stumbled upon My So-Called Life somewhat by accident. I was watching the movie Juno a week or two ago, and Ellen Page’s character made a reference to the show. At the time, I didn’t know it was a reference until I looked the movie up on IMDb (Internet Movie Database). For some reason, I have this obsession with looking up the various trivia/goofs to the movies I watch. It makes them more interesting. With my curiosity piqued, I opened a new tab and proceeded to go to Netflix’s website…And my curiosity was satisfied because indeed it was on Netflix. 

That, however, was a couple of weeks ago. I found out that My So-Called Life was on Netflix a couple of weeks ago and I just finished the nineteenth and final episode this morning. I started watching it yesterday morning and finished it this morning. I blame the fact that I couldn’t sleep, and the AMC show Breaking Bad. The reason why I didn’t pursue the nineteen episodes of Life right away was because I was catching up on the gritty and violent misadventures of Walter White and Jesse Pinkman that can only be Breaking Bad. Now, I can go on all day long about what a great show Bad is, but that isn’t the topic of my obsession today.

My So-Called Life is a great show. It’s a show that anyone who’s been through the torrential pressure and strange triumphs of high school can relate to. There’s this realistic vibe you get when watching it, like you’re actually in the hallways and classrooms of Liberty High. It sounds a little weird saying that because it aired eighteen years ago, but there a lot of shows/movies that I find myself liking that came out even earlier than ’94. It’s crazy that Claire Danes (main character Angela Chase) and Jared Leto (Angela’s love interest, Jordan Catalano) got recognized because of the show. It’s amazing to watch films like The Rainmaker and Romeo + Juliet (among many others), as well as Showtime series Homeland and think of how far Danes has come as an actress. The same thing can be said for Leto. With an extremely successful band and films like Fight Club, American Psycho and Lord Of War (among many others as well) under his belt, it’s also amazing to see how far he has come as an actor (not to mention a musician, but that is for another day entirely). 

During the short time it took me to complete the series, I felt an instant connection to Angela and all that was going on around her. Sure, I cannot relate to everything she experienced her sophomore year, but I definitely know how it feels to navigate through high school. One minute your accomplishments can make you feel on top of the world, and the next the pressures and expectations bestowed upon you (and every student for that matter), can shallow you whole. It’s honestly challenging some times. One day your best friend can indeed be your best friend, the next they’re your worst enemy. One day you think you know everything there is to know about your crush, the next they’re sending you those dreaded mixed messages and it’s like you’re invisible all over again…

Usually this is the part where I tend to spill too much about whatever I’m talking about, whether it be a movie, book, or in this case, a TV show. This time I will do no such thing. I could go on all day about what happens in the show, but that wouldn’t be fair to anyone who hasn’t seen it and honestly, who wants someone else raining on their parade? I’d say I’ve done pretty good so far. In not spilling the beans, that is. Anyone could tell you how a TV show or movie is, but to really connect with said TV show or movie, you have to see it for yourself.

…As I said before, My So-Called Life is a great show and the unlikely reason for the pumpkin-cookie-nostalgia I’m feeling…Yes, you read right. Pumpkin. Cookie. Nostalgia…I honestly didn’t think that when I watched the first episode (and all nineteen for that matter), that I would not only be able to connect and relate, but also that the fact that my sister lives some 2,000 miles away finally sunk in. It’s good to know that even though we’re apart, we can still connect in the most strangest of ways.

Sometimes the miles between don’t mean a thing.

Away From The Norm (A July Anomaly Pt. 2)

7:55 a.m.

It’s that time again. Both of my windows are grey and rain-stained. Thunder pounded the sky, while lightning streaked across it not long after. The power went out for a second or two, buzzing back to live just as quickly as it had gone.

Rain. A far-cry from the norm.

There isn’t any of the dreaded heat or humidity that weighs down your mood, no matter how chipper you are. The air is cooler, feeling more like the Autumn season I love. Even better with a Lipton raspberry iced tea and Placebo thrown in…This Saturday morning couldn’t be more perfect.

The simplest of things can make the biggest of difference.

Graveyard Shift, Take 2

I should be sleeping right now. There are no two ways around that fact. My head should be resting on my headless Jack Skellington pillow case, listening to the tick-tock motions of the clock hanging in my room and Aiden’s latest release, Disguises, both slowly aiding in helping me achieve the sleep I so gravely desire. Needless to say, that isn’t happening or else I obviously wouldn’t be writing this post. Instead, I’m sitting on the futon in the area outside of my bedroom, listening to Aiden on shuffle on iTunes, wide awake.

Honestly, I’m not too sure how I’m as awake as I am. This past weekend, I got a grand total of 7 and a half hours of sleep…3 and a half hours Sunday morning when I came home at 6 in the morning from my second overnight 10pm to 6am price changing spree, and 4 hours Monday morning, waking up for the usual early morning shift that starts ironically at 6 in the morning…I’m not complaining that I’m not getting enough sleep because that’s the last thing I want to do. I remember there was a time where I couldn’t fall asleep to save my life and a part of me hated it, while the other embraced its ability to unleash my creative chaos. Now, I honestly don’t want to fall asleep. I feel bad for falling asleep during the day, especially on a day that I don’t work. I feel like if I sleep in or nap during the day, then I didn’t accomplish anything, like my day is ruined, wasted. Why do I feel like this? I haven’t the slightly idea. I actually miss not being able to fall asleep. My creative side misses the random early morning writing sprees, accompanied by my iTunes library on shuffle. There have been nights/mornings where I battle the monster of Insomnia and the plague of stomach pain, but I wouldn’t say those count…My creative side doesn’t appreciate those nights/mornings at all, the same can be said for my not-so-creative side. No matter which way you cut it, nights/mornings like that suck majorly.

Luckily this Tuesday morning, I’m not plagued by anything except the fact that I’m wide awake. I wouldn’t really call that being plagued because this post is coming out of my inability of wanting to fall asleep, and usually being plagued wouldn’t produce anything but frustration and an hour or two of just staring at my alarm clock, shuffling through my Classic. Therefore, I’m not necessarily plagued per say, just able to find enough energy to create something meaningful out of an unlikely situation.

…It’s now almost noon on this Tuesday morning, and in case you haven’t been paying attention or fell asleep, you’ll notice that I myself fell asleep. Yes, I honestly thought I was stronger than that, but after walking around my kitchen aimlessly with Aiden on shuffle on my iPod, then retreating to my room, I found myself gravitating to my comfy sheets at a quicker rate than usual. Now, that I’m more well-rested than I was at 1 this morning, I’m not too sure what to write about now. I blame the lack of sleep…Lack of sleep ironically makes me think more, causing me to spill whatever I’m thinking about onto my keyboard…Plus my laptop was already turned on, the shining beacon of possibility among my never-ending harbor of racing thoughts. Yes, you read right. I just typed that. Unfortunately, it is true at the moment. I not too sure what to write about. Sure, my mind is racing as usual, but it’s more or less just the itinerary of my day off, which isn’t very interesting and I don’t want to disappoint with something that isn’t remotely interesting. I bet that if I was attending school right now, I would have loads of interesting things to share. Then again if I had classes, I probably wouldn’t be finishing this post and there’s a good chance it might not have been written because I would’ve already been sleeping by the time I started composing it early this morning. There certainly are advantages to that fact, but this is not a ranting post and I don’t want to turn it into one so close to the end. Besides, I’ve already ranted about college and I hate to repeat myself.

Right now, it’s a little after 1 and I’m listening to The Word Alive. I might as well find something interesting to do now that I’m not a walking zombie. Maybe get a Grande fancy coffee drink from Starbucks and if the weather persists to be somewhat beautiful, go to the park and then after watch The Shining with my boyfriend. Who knows, maybe I’ll go on an adventure and discover something outrageously interesting to write about along the way. Maybe I’ll go out on a whim and get another piercing without telling anyone…Which I honestly just might do one day, just not today. I’m not psyched up for it and the proper notifications haven’t been made, but when it happens, I will surely write about it.

This is what happens when I work the weekend graveyard shift. I can’t fall asleep, then I end up falling asleep later. Don’t worry, there’s more to come…And I will dub it ‘Graveyard shift, Take 3’. *hint, hint*.

It’s amazing what happens when you can’t sleep.

Lack Of Sleep And A Higher Education 

It’s been a long time since I’ve written any kind of ranting post. I mean, it’s not that there’s nothing for me to rant about. Believe me, there are a lot of things I could be ranting on and on about, but would any of it be interesting or well, worth ranting about?…Then again, why am I asking the potential followers of this blog? I’m not too sure either.

Right now, I feel like I’m somewhat running on empty, which is absolutely no excuse for me to be ranting, but for some reason, I find myself noticing things more and more because I’m tired. You’re probably wondering why I’m running on empty and the answer is pure and simple…I worked overnight last from 10 at night to 6 this morning, scanning for price changes, and I didn’t get enough sleep beforehand. I did, but at the same time, I didn’t. I wasn’t falling asleep at all while I was scanning and walking around to different parts of the store, but I sure as hell felt the familiar cloud of sleepiness come over me. Don’t get me wrong, my first night of price changes was actually pretty peaceful and uncomplicated…And yes, I actually just said that price changes at the wee hours of the night/morning is peaceful because it is. I didn’t have to deal with any customers and their never-ending slew of questions, but I have to say it was pretty creepy hearing music over the speakers with practically no one in the store. Very creepyyy.

With the reason for my sleepy eyes accounted for, let me first start my little rant by saying that summer needs to be here already…It’s on everyone’s mind and no one seems to be saying anything, so I figured what the hell? I love how snow looks falling on the ground just as much as the next young lady, but it seriously just needs to stop altogether and be summer. I honestly miss warm weather. I mean, humidity gives me the worst headaches, but I would much rather have a headache that can be taken away with some good ‘ol Excedrin, then have a cold that takes a month to fully rid of. Headaches I can deal with, colds I unfortunately cannot. I seriously miss that great second season known as Summer. I miss going to the park and laying out in the grass or swinging on any available swingsets…Yes, I am indeed a child at heart…I miss swimming in my purple bathing suit and lounging out on the swing in my backyard, listening to whatever music happens to be on shuffle. All and all, I think it’s more than safe to say that I miss that beautiful and humidy-stricken thing called Summer. I only hope that it comes soon as oppose to later.

I’m going to veer off the subject of annoyances for a quick second because, quite frankly, I’m not too keen on what I can complain about at the moment. Sure, I’m running on said hours of sleep and there are plenty of things I could complain about. Believe me, there is. No doubt about that fact…Everything from the lack of sleep because of the overnight shift at work (despite the fact that I enjoy the silence and solitude) to the ever-growing fact that I’m not as close to some people as I was at the end of school year.

Yes, I think I found something to rant about all of a sudden. I remember somewhere around this time last year, I was talking about how I was getting ready for graduation and my plans after said graduation. Unfortunately, those plans didn’t turn out as well, planned. Call it being a loser or just one of the consequences of not saving for college ahead of time or whatever you damn well please, but I’m currently not going to school like the majority of my peers. Why? I honestly couldn’t afford it at the time. Sure, I had big plans of saving for college and strangely, I would have enough to pay for one semester with the money I have saved now plus the amount I was awarded, but I’ve opened my eyes to one simple fact: I don’t need to go to school right out of high school. I know I said that I was going to wait a while anyway and go in the Spring or this coming Fall, but honestly, I don’t really think I want to attend school even then. College would just be one more stress that I don’t think I need now, and I think anyone will agree that if you can put off something that’s stress-inducing until a better time when it might not be so stress-inducing, then why the hell not? Sometimes I seriously think that’s what separates me from some of the people I used to be close with at the end of the year last year, the simple fact that I’m not gaining some higher education at the moment. As if just because I’m not attending college, it makes me some kind of inferior person, basically a loser in every respect of the word. I’m somehow the lesser person because I’m working and not cramming my brain with information that may or may not benefit me in the long-run. Go figure. Thankfully, I don’t see it that way, or else I would be in school right now. Granted the entire reason is because I didn’t have the funds at the time, but still.

Once again, call it what you will, but I’m glad I’m not waking up early to go to school every day or designated day. I would much rather wake up early to go to work, being wired on caffeine to combat the lack of sleep, as oppose to the routine of waking up early and listening to a lecture that I would most likely fall asleep during. Coffee and energy drinks were invented for better causes than that.

For some reason, I’ve lost the fuel to rant at the moment…Whether it be the sleep I lost catching up with me or what have you, I feel like I have nothing to rant about anymore. It seems like I can only muster the brain power to rant about how much I miss Summer and how I don’t need the stresses of college right now, but I’m not too worried about that. Sure, there still are things I can rant about, and I’m more than positive they’re things I’ve ranted and raved about before, but they’ll have to wait ’til another time…When I’ve had more sleep and am not sleepwalking through Wal-Mart, helping my mother look for couch covers…I’m totally serious. It happened….Luckily, the two Grande orders of Starbucks somewhat helped.

(Kudos to whoever created the Cinnamon Dolce Latte. Your contribution to the arts of fine coffee-making is greatly appreciated.)

My lack of sleep and a higher education are just astonishing.

October Anatomy

Fall. Autumn. The third out of fourth season. Whatever you want to call it, there’s no sure-fire way of denying that it’s here. And it’s definitely here.

It’s the season where everything changes, whether you want it to or not. The mornings are becoming colder and colder. The sun rises later, and is then defeated by the night sky even earlier. The leaves are changing from their crisp summer green to their crimson, orange, and yellow Fall counterparts…All this makes you wonder where Summer went, and how fast is Winter really approaching.

I’ll be honest, I love walking home from school in the Fall. From the warm, burning smell that seems to linger in the air, to the changing leaves falling and crunching under my feet. All while listening to the company of my iPod, away in my own world, but still fully aware of the cars and other people walking past. Some of the songs remind me of the season. Don’t ask me why. Maybe it’s because it is Fall, or maybe because they were actually intended for this time of year. Or maybe it’s just me being me. Whatever the case may be, I still love it.

The festivities are what really get me. I mean, every holiday has their own decorations and treats, but something about Fall decorations and treats makes me feel warm and happy. I know that probably sounds kind of lame, but’s it’s the honest-to-God truth. I love the Pumpkin Lattes at any participating Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts, the huge pieces of pumpkin pie, with a very, very generous amount of whipped cream on top, and especially, Halloween. Halloween is one of my favorite holidays, even though some would say it’s not considered a holiday. Whatever you choose, you can’t deny that getting free candy is a bad thing because it’s not. At least I don’t think it is.

With all this love for the Fall, it makes me wonder where Summer went…It seems like it went by wayyy too fast…And remember Winter is just around the corner. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not. Don’t get me wrong, Winter can be pretty beautiful, but it makes me think of how close the year is ending already. In less than two months, it will be December, which means Christmas, which then means a new year is drawing closer.

It’s kind of sad thinking of how such a beautiful season seems to be passing and changing as fast as the leaves. I mean, there’s still another month of Fall left, but doesn’t feel like it. I plan on enjoying the rest of what Fall has to offer, and savor its beauty and awesomeness as much as I can.

Let the pumpkins glow and the candy bags overflow.

Last Day of Freedom

I woke up this morning to the unfamiliar chill coming from my open window. That minute, right then and there, I knew that summer is coming to a close. I stood on my bed and looked out the window. The sky looked grey, the equivalent of a fall morning. Despite the fact that it’s still August. I found myself waking up at 7:15, which is pretty early in my book. The earliest I’ve ever woken up this summer. Not the norm of 10:00, 11:00, or sometimes noon. No sir or madam, not today.

This summer went by too quickly. It strangely didn’t feel like it was going by very fast when it was still in its prime, but now that it’s tapering away, it’s gone by too quickly. I sort of feel like I wasted the summer away alittle bit. Like I did absolutely nothing for almost 2 and a half months. Contrary to my beliefs, this is so not true. I was actually free to do what I wanted, with some minor restrictions. No drinking or drunk tattoos/piercings, not that I would anyway. I’m smarter than that. I actually have some sense. With this freedom, I hung out with my friends, severed relationships with people I’m better off without, went to concerts, found out new things about my friends, broke in my new dark purple bathing suit, expressed a random assortment of my loves, hates and everything in between on this blog of mine you’re currently reading…I’d say I did alot this summer.

Today is the last day of summer break. School starts tomorrow, and I’m not mentally ready. My mind just isn’t motivated like my body is. Sometimes I wish summer didn’t have to be over. Today is my last day of summer freedom.

This year went by too fast.