My Friend Of Insomnia 

I can’t sleep. It’s almost 2 in the morning and my eyes are wide open. Unfortunately, this isn’t something new. I find myself struggling with the awkward, stubborn Insomnia more than usual. I probably should go to sleep, lay in bed and give into the cliché of counting sheep, or listen to my Ipod or read. Reading always puts me to sleep, but I haven’t been in a reading mood in a while.

I’m just sitting here.

My dark red chair feels comfy at this time in the morning, more comfy than usual. I find myself sitting in it, listening to HIM’s cover of Blue Oyster Cult’s “Don’t Fear The Reaper” and searching for a picture for the next project I have in art class. Coincidentally, I’ve chosen a picture of HIM lead, Ville Valo. I thought I would stand out as far as pictures went, not to mention that the picture is beautiful. But that is for another day…

I feel like my mind is easily wandering this morning, more than any other time it wanders. I’m thinking about an array of different things at once. A doctor’s appointment I have today at 3 o’clock this afternoon and a paper for my Senior Seminar class due tomorrow (Friday). It’s almost finished, and my plans of completing it today just didn’t happen. I should work on it now, but I’m not in the right frame of mind to write something for school. I honestly can’t think of school right now, it’s just not what’s important at this time of the morning. In another 6 hours of course, but not now. What’s important now, is that I’m gently swooning to the ever-changing music on my Dell. Right now being “Mute” by Blaqk Audio, in 3 minutes or more being something else. My inability to listen to one song for too long has set in. It’s now “Warmness On The Soul” by Avenged Sevenfold. Strangely, this song is longer than the last, but it’s definitely more soothing. I think that in the battle of techno-electronica beats and pianos/old-school breakdowns, the latter is always the unlikely champion. Especially at this time of morning.

I’ve listened to the same song 3 times already, trying to convince myself to go to sleep. Give into the skillfully played piano, old-school sounding guitar solo and strange beauty of M. Shadows’s voice in the early days of their career. I’m pretty sure the play count has been upped to about seven or eight by now. Okay, the play count is probably higher, but I’m honestly not counting.

Before I descending into my room (literally), I was watching the shows Man vs. Wild and Monsters Inside Me. The episode of Monsters was a case of déjà vu from the beginning of the school year because it was the exact same episode I’d seen the first time I watched it. I watched it anyway, and it still creeped me out. The thought of a parasite living inside someone is disgustingly stomach-churning. I hadn’t seen the episode of Wild, although I think my dad did. Not too sure. I love how in the beginning of the show it’s Man vs. Wild with Bear Grylls. Curious to see if Bear was actually his name, I looked it up. No. Bear isn’t his real name. His name is actually Edward. That would’ve been pretty interesting if Bear was indeed his real name.

“Warmness On The Soul” passed by faster than it did all the other times it played, and I’m missing it. I could play it, but I’m too lazy. And tired. I’m feeling myself give into the sleepiness that I didn’t think I had in me, or maybe it’s because HIM is playing again. I find the latter to be the unlikely cause and the tiredness the more likely. It would make sense if I got some sleep. I would be able to focus and my mind wouldn’t be yelling at me every time I try to close my eyes. It would make a lot of sense if I got some sleep.

Right now, at nearly 4 o’clock in the morning on this Thursday, I’m listening to “Razorblade Kiss” by HIM and strongly considering going to bed. I might just let my mind wander, taking in Ville’s amazing voice, thinking too many thoughts.

I’m still sitting in my dark red chair, going on my second listening of “Razorblade Kiss”, regretting that I’m actually on my second listen. I know I’ll regret it a couple hours from now, but at least I can say that it was Ville’s voice that helped put me to sleep.

Insomnia is like chain-smoking. It doesn’t benefit you.

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Originality is a rarity/Annoyance of epic proportions

People annoy me. Sometimes, I’m just totally fed up and down-right sick of people. There are reasons I’m totally certain of and others that I’m not so certain of. Sometimes I’m just annoyed by people because I’m having a bad day, or my day becomes bad because of what people do or say. It just seems like people today have no sense. Absolutely nothing original radiates from their person. Everything about them is so…cliched and such a trend, and that just annoys the hell out of me.

It seems like almost everyday I’m discovering more and more ways that people can be so fake. People who go along with trends seriously annoy me. I just hate seeing people in outrageously form fitting skinny jeans, skin-tight hoodies, dyed black hair, and maybe some heavy eyeliner and/or an optional face piercing or two. I mean, yeah, that’s great and all, but it seems like everyone looks like that today. Everywhere I go, it’s like that’s all I see. I honestly don’t care how people dress or what they do with their lives, but with everyone at the mall or school looking the same…Gets really old, really quick.

Another thing that annoys me is these people are categorizing themselves as “emo”. Why the hell would you categorize yourself? Hello, it’s called being original, being yourself. NOT going by a category that everyone else is currently sporting. Or they decide to sport the label of “emo” because of the music currently on their iPod. Just because you listen to music that matches the supposed “darkness and emotional wreckage of your soul” or “how much you hate the world” that automatically makes you “emo”?  That just, as Peter Griffin would say, “really grinds my gears!” 🙂

The fact that people like that constantly complain about how no one “understands them” or how “everyone hates them”, is total crap. “I cut myself, and listen to music about dying” or “Let’s compare the scars on our wrists. Whose is deeper?” Gag me! That’s just ignorance at its finest. Trying to get attention because they feel like no one else will pay attention to them if they’re original. That contradiction is so incredibly pathetic. They think they own the world one minute, and complain about how much their life sucks the next. It’s disgusting. Get the hell over it! Complaining will get you nowhere. If you’re life sucks sooo much, then do something about it.

I’ll be totally honest…I do wear skinny jeans, fitted hoodies, and dye my hair. Think I’m apart of the trend? Guess again. I wear skinny jeans because I like the wear they fit and how they look on me. The fact that I’m petite does have its advantages. 😉 I wear fitted hoodies because I don’t like how bigger hoodies fit on me. Again, I’m kinda picky ’cause I’m tiny. My hair dye color of choice isn’t black, though. Personally, I like the way the dark red looks on me. Black would look really, well, not pretty on me. One of my friends from way back suggested I dye it black…Thankfully, I never went through with it. As for the heavy eyeliner and optional face piercing, I smudge my eyeliner just alittle, not to the extreme to where I look like I’m the walking dead, and I don’t have any piercings on my face. Although I hope to get my lip pierced after I get my braces off.

As for the music on my iPod, I listen to whatever I like. I don’t pay attention to genres or what everyone else is listening to. If I like, I’ll listen to it. It’s that easy to understand.

I dont’ follow any trends or conform to any labels. Plain and simple. I don’t categorize myself as anything because it’s a waste of time, and I don’t see myself fitting into a category at all. People who categorize themselves are too afraid of what others might think or to lose the supposed friends they’ve made. Ignorance at its finest.

Murder the trends and never-ending labels before they end up murdering your sense of strength.

Not So Pretty…

Early yesterday morning, at 12:56 AM to be exact, my long time friend and I were talking about completely random things. I sent her a link for the video “The Price Of Beauty” by Suicide Silence cause she said she didn’t see it. In it, an already gorgeous young girl is getting plastic surgery done by an insane, sadistic doctor. The ending result was an array of stitches across her already pretty face…Watch for yourself and see what I mean.

After watching it, I realized how truly disgusting plastic surgery is. I mean, getting work done to your face and/or body just because you don’t like a part of yourself is just appalling. It’s crazy that someone would ruin a part of themselves just to look better. I know that people get plastic surgery for actual medical reasons, and that’s completely understandable, but getting it done just to make yourself look good isn’t the same thing.

Ugh!!! It just really annoys me that some people aren’t happy with themselves and feel the need to waste money (hard-earned or obtained from another source) on a nose job or fake boobs or even both possibly in the same operation. I hate people who look absolutely gorgeous and stunning already and then they destroy their natural beauty with implants or dissolving stitches.

Selfish. Narcissistic. People who aren’t happy with themselves need a reality check. Their lives could be alot worse.

Be happy for what you have, not for what you can’t acquire.