The Girl With The Raindrop Tattoo

I’m not going to go into a huge, senseless rant about how I haven’t blogged since February because honestly that’s boring and I really don’t want to write about something boring. It’s almost like the past two months have been lackluster but they certainly haven’t. I know I said that this year will be different as far as the writing is concerned, and it definitely will be. I just haven’t really had the impulse to write or didn’t think I had anything interesting to write about…Until right now.

Way back in January, I mentioned that I put a healthy dent in Stieg Larsson’s The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, and thanks to Netflix, I watched all three Swedish films in the trilogy before I finished the novel. Strangely, it didn’t change how I felt about the book or stifled me from finishing the grand piece of work. Usually when I read a book, I’ve already seen the movie or I just end up losing interest in the novel because I already know the outcome of story. Sometimes it happens, other times it doesn’t. In the case with GWTDT, I found myself even more drawn into it and wanted to finish it at a quicker pace in order to get my hands on the next one. As I type, I’m currently involved with the third and final book in the installment, The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet’s Nest, and with 538 pages to go, I’d say I’m well on my way finishing the brilliant trilogy.

The reason why I say brilliant is because that’s exactly what it is. I remember when I first saw a preview or something on TV for the Swedish GWTDT, I didn’t really think much of  the book or really the movie for that matter. I just thought they were some films that looked pretty good that I would probably never watch because they were subtitled. While there’s nothing wrong with subtitles, I couldn’t picture myself sitting for however long the movie was, reading subtitles, trying to figure everything out. As time went on, I started to see the books together in box sets at different bookstores, and then my mom bought my sister The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo for either a birthday or Christmas gift. I don’t really remember which occasion. Regardless of the occasion, there’s no denying that the movie is pretty damn good as well. Both Swedish and American.

Most of the time it seems like when foreign films are taken over the ocean and made into American films, they tend to lack in some respects, whether it be character, plot, etc. This surprisingly cannot be said for The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. I think what truly made the American version is the character of Lisbeth Salander, played by Rooney Mara. Her portrayal of Lisbeth was amazing. I absolutely adored Noomi Rapace’s equally beautiful portrayal of Salander in the original film, but there is no real comparison because both women brought their own brand of fury and beauty to the character…Lisbeth is a character all her own, unlike any other heroine out there. She’s extremely intelligent and moralistic, but at the same time is damaged in a way, doing things in a way that no one else would think of. She’s the type of character that you can relate to without even realizing such relation was possible. The whole time I read the book, and while watching both films, I felt some kind of connection with Lisbeth. I’ve in no way shape or form had the type of life she as a character had experienced, but she has this almost real-life quality that makes you empathize and root for her, while still questioning her actions. It isn’t every day that you stumble upon a type of character with that kind of audacity…Both Rapace and Mara do an incredible justice to one of the most interesting and original characters to date.

Needless to say, I’ve gushed about how in love I am with The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo trilogy, (or technically the Millennium trilogy as it states on the back of The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet’s Nest) and is starting to sound like one big book/movie review, but it’s not so chill out. Aside from reading like there’s no tomorrow, I found my deeply hidden talent during that week of insanely beautiful weather in March. When I still worked the stock room and compactor last summer, I took one of the coffin-shaped boxes suits are packaged in off the line and vowed to paint something awesome onto it. Almost a year later, with a couple of months to spare, I finally broke out my acrylic paints and began to make magic. The result: A gnarled, spooky looking tree with a bright moon behind it and dark purple layered over an equally dark blue as a background. Below my masterpiece that is my awesome looking tree (if I do say so myself), is a red anchor, accented with yellow to portray as years-old rust, with an oddly colored green and red rope intertwining behind said anchor, all on a light blue backdrop. It doesn’t seem like I accomplished that much of it because there is only the front of the box completed, but when I look back and think about the time and effort I put into it, it’s definitely something to feel good about.

Around the same time I started to work on my painting masterpiece that is the coffin-shaped box, my sister was making plans to move out of the house in which she had been living. Not just out of her place of dwelling, but out of the state as well. This might not seem like a big deal and at first it honestly didn’t, then I started to think about it. I’d known she would be leaving for a while before it started to sink in. She and her fiancé had planned on moving sooner, but things didn’t turn out as hoped and it became postponed. They both visited the state many times and were very fond of it ever since. I remember she brought me back a pair of Orca whale earrings the second time she was there. She would be leaving the state the end of March and I wouldn’t be able to see either of them until they came across the country for a visit. I say across the country because it isn’t a state or two over.

My sister and her fiancé are now residing in Seattle, some 2,000 miles from Ohio. I have to admit, it’s a little weird not having her live in the same state anymore. Usually I could just text her and ask if I could come over and hang out, ask if she would want to get coffee or just plain hang out. I remember a couple of years ago on Halloween her and I made the best pumpkin roll I’ve ever had, and before she left for Washington, we made awesome oatmeal chocolate chip cookies and once again two of the best pumpkin rolls I’ve ever had. I may not be able to bake or hang out with her anymore, but that doesn’t mean I’ve lost contact with her completely. We still text, she reads my blog and we’re both on Facebook…Oh where would the world be without it?…At least we’re using the site for what it was meant for, reconnecting. Whatever distance we are from each other, we’re never completely apart.

The month of April consisted of one of the three ‘Friday the 13ths’ we shall see this year, and while I’m not superstitious in any sense of the word, it hit me like it never had before. I woke up as I usually would, make myself some coffee, when out of nowhere, I felt this pain in my right side. At first I thought it was nothing, and just wrote it off as an ache or something. How foolish of me. The pain only got worse. I lay on the couch in the most pain I’ve ever been in my life. Yes, you read right. The most pain I’ve ever had in my life. This is coming from the girl with the raindrop tattoo. (If you read the post about my first tattoo, then you understand the reference). I remember I laid there for an hour, frustrated and fed up with it, when it stopped hurting altogether. I then proceeded to get on with my day, free of the pain my in side…Or so I thought. Some three and a half hours later, I was in pain again worse than what I started out with. At 9 ‘o clock I finally decided it was time to go to the emergency room. I’ve said before I have a high pain tolerance, but there’s only so much a person can take.

Long story short, after spending somewhere around 3 hours at the hospital, watching Storage Wars and Deadliest Catch, the verdict was ruled that I had developed kidney stones. Kidney stones. I then found out that individuals with Crohn’s Disease are more prone to kidney stones. I was given a prescription for pain, instructions to drink plenty of fluids and make an appointment with a urologist. After making the appointment with the urologist and having a CT scan done, it was determined that I indeed did not have a kidney stone. All the symptoms considered it be in fact a kidney stone, but in the end there was nothing there. Once I received this news, my urologist said that it could be something else, like a lump in the meat of my kidney. A lump in the meat of my kidney. Gross. After I had another procedure done, the verdict was that there was nothing wrong with me. In conclusion, I have no idea what caused me to have that pain and might never know. The story of my life as far as my health is concerned.

From my current obsession with The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo trilogy and my almost masterpiece of a painting to everything in between, I’d say the past two months have been interesting to say the least. I wonder what the next couple months will bring. Only time will tell I guess…And you can be sure I’ll actually be blogging about it.

I’m the girl with the raindrop tattoo…I know exactly where I belong.

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All This Talk 

Last year as a junior, I remember overhearing all this talk about college, the future and what a headache it was. It’s all too safe to say that I now know what everyone was talking about.

It seems like right when you have all your plans neat and in a row, something comes along and ruins them. I’m not saying that that’s bound to happen, but it’s something that generally does. Don’t ask me why. I didn’t make the rules. I can say that my plans for the future and college have changed dramatically since last year, though. I thought that I’d had everything figured out last year, I thought I knew exactly what I wanted to do. Turns out I was wrong.

People change their minds a million and one times before they finally know what they want, or they know exactly what they want and go for it. I think that no matter what type of person you are, there is no true way of denying that your future isn’t set in stone. Things change for better or for worse and it seems like a lot of people think that they can work their way around that, the ever-changing events of this thing called Life. Just because they know what they want to do and know how to accomplish the said goal, nothing will happen to them. They’re invincible…It probably sounds like I’m being an outrageously morbid dream-killer, but whatever. I’m just clearly saying that things change all the time and some people don’t think that it will ever apply to them.

I’m just now starting to realize, with less than a month left of school, that I’m overwhelmed for the first time in my life. Yeah, it might sound like I’m exaggerating, and believe what you want, but it’s the truth. All this talk of college and plans for the future, and everything else going on, it’s not hard to be swallowed up by the ever-growing multitude of things to come. Luckily, I know exactly what I want. It’s just a matter of accomplishing it. I’m overwhelmed but not so to the point that I don’t know what I want.

My freshmen year, I never would’ve thought I’d be making journalism my college major…Yes, you heard right…I’m majoring in journalism. Is that such a crime? I didn’t think so. I remember freshmen year I was so caught up in the new experiences of high school that I had no idea what I wanted to do years down the road. I’d thought about maybe going into graphic design or something because my other passion (that I often put on the back-burner) is drawing. Art. I love it and everything it entails. I’m good at drawing, but I think I’m even better at writing. Sure, writing might not be as lucrative and in-demand as graphic design is at the moment, but I don’t care. You should be able to do something you love because you love it, not just because it pays the rent. My major is journalism and that is that.

Instead of starting classes in the Fall like any normal person would, I’ve decided to start my classes either in the Spring or next Fall. Everyone is different when it comes to well, just about everything, and my decision is no different. At first, I thought I HAD to go to school in the Fall. I thought it was something that just HAD to be done. I wasn’t even thinking that I had the choice to take time off from school. It wasn’t something that was going through my mind at the time. I was stressing about starting classes in the Fall, and I had absolutely no reason to because I didn’t have to start in the Fall. I’m so totally not starting in the Fall. I mean the last year of high school is stressful enough, why make it even more stressful by having to go through more school less than 4 months after you graduate? It might sound like I’m a total loser, not going to college right after I graduate, but I don’t see it that way. I want to be somewhat established in one way or another before I go off to college. It’s better to have a general idea of what you’re going to do, then storm through it all, guns blazing. Or at least that’s how I see it. The whole-guns-blazing-thing is only good for somethings, not all, and I don’t think college plans qualify as one of those things.

Right now, at this very moment in time, I’m happy to say that everything is planned out for the most part. Yes, like I said, things are bound to change whenever, but for right now, it’s safe to say that everything is good. School is over in less than a month, and while it would usually seem hectic and overwhelming (as I just stated a million times over above), that’s all a part of the ride. Prom is in a than a month, too and that’s something I’m actually looking forward to. Whether I happen to have a date or not, I’m going. I have the cutest dress (a dress I’ve had for a couple years now, actually) and I know exactly how I want to look.

All this talk is just that…Talk. It means nothing unless you actually go through with it, and all this talk is finally starting to turn into something. It’s more than safe to say that I have nothing to stress about anymore. I’m ready for whatever life has to throw at me, yet again.

Life is overwhelming and I’m just starting to realize that. Look ahead and hold on tight. It only gets more intense.

Fear & Loathing On The Creative Front 

It was back in November that I said I had to do a research paper on an author…Yes, it has been a while. I finally got the graded paper back in January, 3 months ago. I’m finally getting around to putting my hard work on display. Well, the cover page I made for the project at least.

I decided to only do one author for the paper instead of two because one was just easier and made all the more sense. I’m more than pleased with how the paper came out, and can’t get over how awesome the cover page looks. So without further delay, I present to you, the cover page for my research paper! (Which I should’ve posted 3 months ago!) 😦

Fear and Loathing…on the creative front.

My Friend Of Insomnia 

I can’t sleep. It’s almost 2 in the morning and my eyes are wide open. Unfortunately, this isn’t something new. I find myself struggling with the awkward, stubborn Insomnia more than usual. I probably should go to sleep, lay in bed and give into the cliché of counting sheep, or listen to my Ipod or read. Reading always puts me to sleep, but I haven’t been in a reading mood in a while.

I’m just sitting here.

My dark red chair feels comfy at this time in the morning, more comfy than usual. I find myself sitting in it, listening to HIM’s cover of Blue Oyster Cult’s “Don’t Fear The Reaper” and searching for a picture for the next project I have in art class. Coincidentally, I’ve chosen a picture of HIM lead, Ville Valo. I thought I would stand out as far as pictures went, not to mention that the picture is beautiful. But that is for another day…

I feel like my mind is easily wandering this morning, more than any other time it wanders. I’m thinking about an array of different things at once. A doctor’s appointment I have today at 3 o’clock this afternoon and a paper for my Senior Seminar class due tomorrow (Friday). It’s almost finished, and my plans of completing it today just didn’t happen. I should work on it now, but I’m not in the right frame of mind to write something for school. I honestly can’t think of school right now, it’s just not what’s important at this time of the morning. In another 6 hours of course, but not now. What’s important now, is that I’m gently swooning to the ever-changing music on my Dell. Right now being “Mute” by Blaqk Audio, in 3 minutes or more being something else. My inability to listen to one song for too long has set in. It’s now “Warmness On The Soul” by Avenged Sevenfold. Strangely, this song is longer than the last, but it’s definitely more soothing. I think that in the battle of techno-electronica beats and pianos/old-school breakdowns, the latter is always the unlikely champion. Especially at this time of morning.

I’ve listened to the same song 3 times already, trying to convince myself to go to sleep. Give into the skillfully played piano, old-school sounding guitar solo and strange beauty of M. Shadows’s voice in the early days of their career. I’m pretty sure the play count has been upped to about seven or eight by now. Okay, the play count is probably higher, but I’m honestly not counting.

Before I descending into my room (literally), I was watching the shows Man vs. Wild and Monsters Inside Me. The episode of Monsters was a case of déjà vu from the beginning of the school year because it was the exact same episode I’d seen the first time I watched it. I watched it anyway, and it still creeped me out. The thought of a parasite living inside someone is disgustingly stomach-churning. I hadn’t seen the episode of Wild, although I think my dad did. Not too sure. I love how in the beginning of the show it’s Man vs. Wild with Bear Grylls. Curious to see if Bear was actually his name, I looked it up. No. Bear isn’t his real name. His name is actually Edward. That would’ve been pretty interesting if Bear was indeed his real name.

“Warmness On The Soul” passed by faster than it did all the other times it played, and I’m missing it. I could play it, but I’m too lazy. And tired. I’m feeling myself give into the sleepiness that I didn’t think I had in me, or maybe it’s because HIM is playing again. I find the latter to be the unlikely cause and the tiredness the more likely. It would make sense if I got some sleep. I would be able to focus and my mind wouldn’t be yelling at me every time I try to close my eyes. It would make a lot of sense if I got some sleep.

Right now, at nearly 4 o’clock in the morning on this Thursday, I’m listening to “Razorblade Kiss” by HIM and strongly considering going to bed. I might just let my mind wander, taking in Ville’s amazing voice, thinking too many thoughts.

I’m still sitting in my dark red chair, going on my second listening of “Razorblade Kiss”, regretting that I’m actually on my second listen. I know I’ll regret it a couple hours from now, but at least I can say that it was Ville’s voice that helped put me to sleep.

Insomnia is like chain-smoking. It doesn’t benefit you.

Third Day Of My Last Year

It’s Monday. The third day of my last year. I’m starting to really annoy myself when I think that. The third day of my last year…It sounds like I’m gonna die next year or something. How horrible. I still can’t get my head around the fact that I’m a senior, though. Getting past that totally annoying saying that I have to not say anymore…Yes, it is indeed Monday. And this Monday, I actually had fun in gym.

Last night and this morning, I felt, well not the best. Since the weather is deciding to go to from really warm to really chilly, my allergies and asthma were acting up. Not very cool, believe me. I feel asleep on the couch in our living room, which is something I never do on school nights. Well, I do, just not when I’m fully ready to sleep in my own bed. I feel asleep on the couch, with a chocolate brown fleece blanket over me, watching the show Monsters Inside Me. I don’t know if I fell asleep because I was tired or because of the really gross cases on the show. People were getting sick from bugs that were inside them. Actually inside them…I’m surprised I even slept.

I woke up a little later than I’d hoped, but I still woke up. I was feeling better. Still hurting in some places, but I was ok enough to go to school. I took a shower, got dressed, ate, fooled around with my hair, and did an asthma treatment. A big asthma treatment. The same asthma treatment that made me leave for school later than I usually would have, but it wasn’t really a big deal. I could hardly get into school anyway.

I stood there, in front of school, with countless other people, waiting to get into school. It wasn’t raining like it had been on Friday, which was good. It was actually a pleasant morning to be standing outside. If only I wasn’t at school…I watched people cut in front of other people. I didn’t cut in front of anyone, or at least I tried not too. I was just standing there, listening to AFI’s new single “Medicate”. I must have listened to it more than 5 times while waiting in the make-shift lines. A couple more in between classes through out the day. Finally, I made it into school. 20 minutes late, but I made it. My first period teacher was surprisingly ok with the fact that I was late. Others filed in after me a couple minutes later.

Most of this really sunny, chilly Monday was ordinary. All of my classes going by really quick, which is pretty normal because I only have 6 classes this year. English seemed to drag on, though. Probably because we weren’t doing anything. People were sitting there, holding their own conversations, while my teacher took attendance. He said something about handing us out books, but I guess there are more people coming in. Speaking about people coming into class, my French class was insane! There seemed like there were alot more people as oppose to Friday. The maximum capacity is, like, 25 and I think it might have been exceeded or will be soon.

The bell that ended English rang fashionably late, as I’m thinking it will all year. Lunch went by fast. I didn’t get lunch today, even though I told myself I would today. I just didn’t feel like getting up. My laziness for ya. I wished that I’d remembered to take my Amp energy drink out of the fridge before I left this morning. The bell that ended lunch was also, fashionably late. I walked into gym, dreading it a little.

The gym, for some reason, didn’t look as big as it did last week. Maybe the reason why my dread wasn’t so strong as it before. Now, I don’t hate gym at all. I love gym. I love playing volleyball. In my eyes, it’s the best stress reliever. Especially, if I’m having a bad day. I pretend the ball is someone’s head. Always works to relieve stress for me. I sat by this girl from my English class, Mariah, and my friend from freshmen year, Alyssa. After it took my gym teacher what seemed like forever to take attendance, the three of us decided to play ping pong.

At first, I wasn’t too sure if I should play because of my breathing, but it was fine all day, so I figured what the hell? Not the best move on my part, but I know my limits. I know what I can and can’t do. Mariah and Alyssa played a game of ping pong first. I was just watching against the bleachers. When they finished playing, I played Mariah. I honestly didn’t know how good I was at ping pong. I’d never played it to know whether I was good or not. I guess I’m a little too talented, I hit the ball up so high, it got stuck in between the upper part of the bleachers. We asked the other gym teacher if we could go get it, and she let us. All three of us walked up the steps next to the boys’ lockeroom, and found ourselves actually on top of the bleachers. I’d never been up there before, only of my firsts as a senior. After we got the ball, Alyssa and I played a game. Once again, I guess I was good. I didn’t get it up on top the bleachers again, which was good, but I barely missed the ball, either. I was what Alyssa called a “beast”.

Even when we were playing volleyball, two against one, I was still a “beast”. Two on one isn’t fair, but it’s how we played. I wished we had another player, but there wasn’t anyone else I knew and all the other individuals in the gym were preoccupied with their own things, and I’m very shy. People I don’t know + Being shy = Being very, very shy…I wasn’t as rusty as I thought I would be. The last time I’d played volleyball was in May, when my one teacher wasn’t there and my class had to go to the gym. Every serve Mariah hit to me, I hit. I never knew I had such an intensity for volleyball. I never missed a hit, with the exception of the soft ones or the ones that went over my head. And me being so tiny, it’s not that hard. The first 5, maybe 10 minutes of playing, my wrists were red. It didn’t bother me, though. It’s the only sport I’m relatively good at, so I figured at a little pain and soreness is worth it. We played until my gym teacher told us to put the ball up. My wrists were still red. My last bell of the day rang. Fashionably late, of course.

I walked home in the beauty and coolness of the afternoon sun, my wrists still red, still listening to “Medicate”. Today, I surprisingly learned alot. People who seemed like, not nice people, turn out to be ok. French is wayyy too crowded. My art teacher will not be at school this Friday. My English class has more people, and we will slowly, but surely be learning something soon. I write too much when my Health teacher only asked for 3 to 5 sentences. I have listened to AFI’s new single too many times. Wayyy too many times. That’s my Monday.

I guess I’m a “beast”.