Oh, That Shining Realization 

A couple of months ago, well sometime last year (if you want to be critically technical and correct) I wrote about how there was the unbreakable camaraderie that my friends and I shared some long time ago. I now realize that maybe it’s better that bond decided to break.

I honestly think that if I was still friends with the majority of the individuals I was some now 6 or 7 years ago, I would amount to nothing. Yeah, that sounds a bit harsh but, that’s just the way I see it. I think that if we’d all kept in touch, it would either be the greatest thing in the world or the greatest personal tragedy. As much as I used to love them all, I think it would have been a complete downfall.

You’re probably wondering why I’m talking about people I used to love so dear and care about almost with my life so bitterly, and I have the perfect answer. I’ve seen the kind of people they’ve become. I know they say everyone changes and indeed everyone does, but it seems to be so different now. Looking back at who we all used to, and who we are now, it’s safe to say that I’m relieved to know that we’ve lost our hold on each other. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.

I think I’ve finally come to the conclusion that I don’t need them. I don’t need certain people around me just to get through my every day, just to breathe. Sure, there are sometimes when it could hurt, the fact that they’re not here mainly, or where I miss them, but I then I wonder…Do they feel the same? If I had to take a good, educated guess, I would have to say no. I often wonder what it would be like, if we all remained friends, if nothing changed at all, but then I realize that I don’t think I would have it any other way.

It’s better that they’re not in my life anymore. It’s better that they’re just fleeting memories. It’s not like we would talk like we did back then, when things seemed endless, almost untouchable. Some 2 years ago, when we were in a sense ‘reunited’, there was this feeling of emptiness in the worse kind of way between us all. Granted, the circumstances weren’t exactly pleasing, but still. It was the greatest shock of my natural life so far that day, to be struck with the news that impaired me to feel and to be among the ones I once felt about so dear.

After all the useless calculating and grinding of memories and thoughts in my head, it all comes down to the one solid fact: I’m so glad I don’t associate with the people I used to. I think that if I did, then I wouldn’t be the type of person I am today. I think I would more than likely become the type of person I don’t really like, someone who I honestly couldn’t see myself being. For what might be better and at the same time possibly worse, I’m who I am and no so-called friend can change any of that. I’m just happy I realized that before I started to actually care too much.

Oh, that shining realization…Better late then never.

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2 thoughts on “Oh, That Shining Realization 

  1. I feel the same way as you. I used to hang out with some pretty sketchy people and I used to think they were so cool. I’m away from them now and now I’ve realized that none of them will ever really amount to anything, like I will.

    This post reminds me of something I’ve been meaning to blog about. I have had this one friend since we were little, and she lives rather nearby to me and we used to hang out often. But, we only hung out when she needed me for something or when I called her and asked her. Now, it appears that she doesn’t really need me anymore. We haven’t hung out in months. I stopped calling her to see what would happen, and now I’m sad that what’s happening is happening. I almost asked her for a ride home one day after school (because she’s the kind of person who has a mom who will buy her a car!) but then changed my mind because I didn’t want to be one of those people that asks for something even though I haven’t talked to the person in a long time, you know? It’s frustrating. I miss her, yet I really don’t miss her. I just wish she would call me or text me or something. Guess I’ll just wait around. I’ve found she’s really not a friend at all. 😦

  2. I know exactly how you feel. There are friends that I indeed do miss, but it’s like at the same time, I don’t really miss them because they’re never around anyway. It seems like sometimes they’re your friends for a while, and then out of nowhere, they just stop being so.

    I totally know what you mean (about the not asking thing). There is this one girl from this school year rather, who I thought was actually my friend. I had my doubts because she didn’t give the greatest first impression, but I figured what the hell. We talked a lot during the two classes we had together and we’d text and all that jazz, and we hung out once. Needless to say, after a while, I kind of got sick of her. My eyes were actually opened to the type of person she really was and I didn’t see it as being a meaningful friendship. We haven’t really talked since school let out…With the exception of her texting me to ask me for something. Only thinks of me when she needs something…

    Anyway, I’m sorry that you and your friend don’t hang out as much…And that I was ranting and rambling a bit there. I honestly bothers me sometimes when people who used to be friends don’t talk or aren’t really considered friends anymore because they don’t talk. I hope that you and your friend will be friends again and if not, then I’m sorry. 😦

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