Diary Of A Modern-Day Gunslinger

I pray that you don’t wake up.
I pray that the blood on my hands isn’t what it seems.
I pray that I never had to be here.

I pray that everything back home is alright.
I pray that I don’t become too deep in the brutality and carnage.
I pray that this is easier than it looks.

My faith is growing thin with every shot from my gun.

I pray that my prayers will be answered sooner or later.
I pray that no more die in the fiery cold blood of the enemy.
I pray that I’m not existing in this situation.

I pray that my courage is enough to let me survive.
I pray that I don’t end up with my articles sent home.
I pray that there’s some way to cope.

My faith is wearing thin with every bullet pierced and inflicted.

I pray that I return to the light and glory of my former self, before this atrocity stormed in.
I pray that this goes away, my weapon as a deadly crutch isn’t as convenient as it seems.
I pray that the dependency on this hypocritical war will pass on to a better cause, this is too much.

My faith is slipping away with every body I destroy and round I fire.

I pray that you can accept me and what I’ve become, what the aftershock has left me with.
I pray that I don’t become swamped under the tremendous guilt and hardship, something you’ll truly never know.
I pray that I make it out alive, to see my love again.

I pray that I can wash this guilt and betrayal from my hands, from my dreams.
I pray that the sun doesn’t rise any time soon, it’s too damned in the morning sun here, makes me ever-aware of why we’re all here risking our sanity.
I pray that I’m not burned at the stake for my crimes, my age isn’t a consequence, my God and country are to blame.

My faith is deteriorating as quick as I can close my eyes and pull the trigger.

I pray that I can be forgiven, despite my questioning.
I pray that there is some way to explain, I never wanted this, it never wanted me.
I pray that my prayers are answered, that I make it home to see you again.

My faith can’t be stolen anymore than it already has, my believing in the good of other people.

You have no choice when you’re staring back at the evil and aggression of another human being.
If they fire, you must be ready to fire back even more.
Kill or be killed.

© Copyright January 2010

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